Get ready to ho-ho-howl with laughter! These 10 Christmas jokes are packed with holiday cheer and cheeky humor to keep your spirits bright. Whether you need a quick laugh or a joke to share at the holiday table, these festive funnies will surely bring everyone joy!
Ah, Christmas! The time of year when everything sparkles, people get a little more generous, and we all pretend fruitcake is something we look forward to eating.
A woman sitting at a table with a plate of fruitcake | Source: Pexels
The holiday season is full of cheer, and it’s also a great time for laughter. Whether you’re cozy by the fireplace or stuck at a family gathering looking for a way to break the ice, these jokes are sure to bring a smile.
So grab your hot cocoa, settle in, and get ready to chuckle with these festive funnies!
A Christmas Test at Heaven’s Gates
Three men find themselves at the pearly gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. Saint Peter meets them with a stern look and a challenge.
St. Peter standing at heaven’s gates | Source: Midjourney
“To get into heaven tonight, you each need to show me something that represents Christmas.”
The first man digs into his pockets, pulls out a match, and lights it. “This is a Christmas candle,” he says with a hopeful smile.
“Impressive,” Saint Peter says and waves him through.
A man holding a lit match | Source: Pexels
The second man reaches into his jacket and jangles a set of keys. “These are Christmas bells,” he grins.
Saint Peter nods, letting him pass.
Then, the third man steps up, pulling out a pair of red panties.
Puzzled, Saint Peter asks, “And what on earth do these have to do with Christmas?”
Women’s underwear | Source: Unsplash
The man smirks, “They’re Carol’s.”
If that joke didn’t light your Christmas candle, this next one might leave you laughing all the way to New Year’s Day. It’s a story of holiday hangovers, memory lapses, and a husband waking up to a Christmas surprise he definitely wasn’t expecting.
The Hungover Husband’s Christmas Surprise
Paul wakes up groggy and disoriented after his company’s Christmas party. He can barely remember how he got home, and his pounding headache isn’t helping.
A man sitting on the side of the bed | Source: Pexels
As he pries his eyes open, he notices a glass of water, two aspirin, and a single red rose on his nightstand. His clothes are neatly folded, and the room is spotless. In the bathroom, he notices he has a black eye, and his wife has left him a note on the mirror.
“Darling, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to pick up groceries for your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!”
In the kitchen, a full breakfast is waiting, and his son is already at the table.
A boy eating breakfast | Source: Midjourney
Paul asks his son, “What happened last night?”
“Well, you got home super late, totally drunk, and made a mess. You tripped over the coffee table, broke it, and smashed into the door, giving yourself that black eye.”
Confused, Paul stammers, “Then why is everything so perfect this morning?”
A confused man | Source: Midjourney
His son shrugs, “Oh, that’s easy. When Mum tried to take off your pants, you yelled, ‘Leave me alone! I’m married!’”
Let’s keep it going with a military twist on Christmas wishes. Sometimes, what you ask for isn’t exactly what you get, especially when you’re stationed away from home. This one’s for anyone who knows the struggles of life in uniform during the holidays.
The Soldier’s Christmas Wish
Two soldiers are in the mess hall chatting about past Christmas memories.
Two soldiers chatting | Source: Midjourney
“I’ll never forget that one Christmas,” the first soldier says. “I spent an entire week peeling potatoes.”
“What happened?” his friend asks.
“Well, the sergeant asked what I wanted for Christmas,” he recalls.
“And what did you ask for?”
A soldier | Source: Pexels
“A new sergeant,” the first soldier replies.
Ready for a joke that’s heaven-sent? This next story features a monk who spent years copying ancient texts, only to uncover a little mistake that could change everything. It’s a reminder that even the holiest of tasks can come with a hilarious twist!
The Monastic Misprint
A monk named David had spent years copying ancient religious texts by hand. He worked hard at his job and dedicated himself to upholding his vows to be obedient and celibate and free himself from the desire for possessions.
A devout monk working on religious texts | Source: Midjourney
One day, shortly before Christmas, the head abbot entrusted David with the task of verifying the original manuscripts had been copied and translated precisely, word-for-word.
On Christmas day, David was nowhere to be found. Eventually, the head abbot located him in the archives, crying uncontrollably.
“Brother David, what’s wrong?” the abbot asked.
“All this time… we’ve been copying it wrong,” David sobbed.
“Copying what wrong?” the abbot pressed.
A monk and an abbot looking at religious texts | Source: Midjourney
“The word wasn’t ‘celibate’… it was ‘celebrate’!”
If you thought that last one was divine, the next joke shows us that sometimes family drama isn’t what it appears to be.
The Holiday Season Break-up
The day before Christmas, a father in Brisbane calls his son in Sydney.
“Sorry to ruin your holiday,” the dad says, “but your mother and I are divorcing. I just can’t take it anymore.”
A man making a phone call | Source: Midjourney
Shocked, the son yells, “What? No, don’t do anything until I get there! I’m calling my sister.”
Moments later, the daughter phones her dad, furious. “You are NOT getting divorced! My brother and I will be there tomorrow. Don’t do a single thing!”
The father hangs up and turns to his wife.
A solemn man glancing to one side | Source: Midjourney
He grins widely and tells her, “Well, that’s our Christmas plans sorted. The kids are on their way and they’re paying for their own travel expenses!”
Let’s keep the laughs rolling with a little tale about early Christmas shopping. You know that feeling when you’re just a bit too eager to grab your gifts? Well, this next joke proves that timing is everything — even when it comes to snagging those holiday deals earlier than expected.
The Early Christmas Shopper
A man stands trial during the Christmas season. The judge asks the defendant, “Mr. Jones, what exactly are you accused of doing?”
A judge in a courtroom | Source: Midjourney
“Your honor, I was just doing my Christmas shopping early,” the man says innocently.
“There’s nothing illegal about that,” the judge replies. “What time did you start?”
“Before the store opened.”
A somber man | Source: Midjourney
Time for a trip to the airport, where holiday cheer meets travel stress in the best way possible. Even if you’re not a fan of mistletoe, this next joke might make you look twice before checking in your bags this Christmas season.
Airport Mistletoe Mishap
Dave wasn’t feeling the holiday spirit as he waited at the airport just before Christmas. He noticed some mistletoe hanging above the luggage scale.
Mistletoe at the airport | Source: Midjourney
Annoyed, he told the airline attendant, “Even if we were dating, I wouldn’t kiss you under such tacky mistletoe.”
The attendant smirked, “Sir, that mistletoe isn’t for you to kiss me. It’s there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”
Hold onto your Santa hats because this next joke features a kid with a very “creative” approach to getting his Christmas wishes granted.
Man talking to airline attendant at the luggage area | Source: Midjourney
When it comes to writing letters to Santa (or Jesus), this boy takes negotiation tactics to a whole new level.
The Kid’s Christmas Bargain
A little boy starts writing his Christmas letter to Santa, but his mom interrupts him.
“You’ve been so naughty this year,” she scolds. “You’d better write that letter to Jesus instead.”
A child sitting at a table | Source: Midjourney
He thinks for a moment, then begins writing to Jesus, but quickly realizes he can’t lie about being good. Frustrated, he goes for a walk to clear his mind and spots a nativity scene.
Suddenly, he snatches the statue of Mary.
Returning home, he starts his new letter: “Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…”
From a mischievous kid to a quick-witted teen, our next joke shows that sometimes biblical excuses can go hilariously wrong.
A Christmas nativity scene | Source: Pexels
It’s a classic case of trying to outsmart a parent — only to learn an unexpected lesson.
Long Hair, Don’t Care
After acing his exams and diligently studying the Bible, Danny asks his clergyman father if he can get a car for Christmas.
“You’ve done great with your studies,” his father says. “But I’m disappointed you haven’t cut your hair.”
A teen boy | Source: Midjourney
Danny smiles. “Dad, in the Bible, I noticed that Jesus, Moses, and Samson all had long hair.”
His father nods, “Yes, but did you also notice they walked everywhere?”
And now, let’s end on a high note with a husband who’s in for a surprise of his own while Christmas shopping.
A mall decorated for Christmas | Source: Pexels
Just when he thinks he’s found a sentimental moment, he gets a reality check guaranteed to leave you laughing out loud.
The Husband’s Christmas Misunderstanding
A couple is shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve when the husband realizes he’s lost his wife. Frantic, he calls her.
“Honey,” she says calmly, “do you remember the jewelry store where you saw that expensive watch you loved five years ago? The one I said I’d get you one day?”
A man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Midjourney
His eyes well up. “Yes, I remember.”
“Well,” she replies, “I’m in the lingerie store next to it.”
And there you have it — a sleigh of laughs to brighten your holiday season! Whether you share these jokes at a family dinner or use them to lighten the mood at a holiday party, they’re sure to spread some Christmas cheer.
People at a Christmas party | Source: Midjourney
After all, the best gifts are the ones that bring a smile. So go ahead, share the laughter, and enjoy a merry, jolly, joke-filled Christmas!
For many people, Christmas is a time for family, so keep the laughs coming with these jokes about family life.
US Open Buzz: Viewers Say Taylor Swift, 34, Looks ‘Pregnant’ after Seeing Her Belly in a Bodice Dress
Pregnancy rumors were stoked after Taylor Swift was spotted at the US Open with her boyfriend.
On September 8, at the US Open, Travis Kelce, 34, and Taylor Swift, 34, looked fantastic. Rather than their obvious displays of love and joy, Taylor’s body type in the event dress went viral.
Taylor dressed in a bright costume to see the Men’s Singles Final between Jannik Sinner of Italy and Taylor Fritz of the United States. The “Sora Linen Dress” of the Reformation was checkered in red and white.
The tiny straps on this $248 dress, which can be worn on or off the shoulders, and the snug bodice complete the design. Taylor accessorized her dress with brown heels, light jewelry, and black sunglasses.
But Travis sported a light beige Gucci bucket hat, a matching cardigan with red and green Gucci stripes, and a white golf shirt. Brown loafers and white shorts completed his ensemble.
Video of Travis and Taylor was made public, and they were seen in pictures at the wedding with Brittany and Patrick Mahomes.
A video of Travis and Taylor walking hand in hand into the tournament and exploring was uploaded on X by US Open Tennis. “In the age of tennis.” The account posted a video along with the caption, “Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce arrive at the US Open.”
A video of the duo singing The Darkness’ “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” was also uploaded by the US Open. Singing from their viewing box, Taylor and Travis were having the best of their lives. “@taylorswift and @killatrav believe in love,” reads the US Open caption.
In a Latinus video, Taylor danced to a tune while Travis held onto her and bobbed his head.
In a different scenario from the same video, Brittany and Patrick were standing next to the singer and player who gave Travis a cheek kiss.
Internet users recognized Taylor’s belly after noticing images of Travis and Taylor during a tennis event. There were rumors that the “Lover” artist was expecting.
One Instagram user commented, “She looks pregnant,” while another questioned, “Is she pregnant?” Another person commented, “That GIRL is pregnant, lol.” Does Taylor Swift have a baby? A user on X commented, “She’s thin but has a slight belly.”
“When is Taylor Swift going to enthusiastically announce that Travis Kelce is pregnant with their child?” quipped a passerby. Some were ecstatic to see Taylor content, regardless of her pregnancy.
“Okay belly, either she’s full or pregnant either way I’m happy for her,” remarked one fan. Another admirer exclaimed, “Taylor looks so happy!” The sentiment was mirrored by someone else who said, “Okay, they’re officially too cute!” It’s too much joy to watch Taylor Swift fall in love.
Although Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce have not addressed the pregnancy rumors, followers still make assumptions and comments.
Days before she and Travis made their US Open debut, Taylor faced criticism for her outfit as well.
On September 5, Taylor supported Travis by dressing controversially during the Kansas City Chiefs vs. Baltimore Ravens game. She wore a scarlet pair of Giuseppe Zanotti boots, a Louis Vuitton purse, and a stunning Medusa ’95 Versace denim corset top when she arrived at Arrowhead Stadium.
Online images of Taylor at the game provoked heated debate. Using a pregnant emoji, one fan proposed getting pregnant. She’s growing hefty, they said.
One more said, “So tacky!” Will there be no fashion consultant for her? “One would think that with all her money, she could have had her stylist choose a better outfit,” remarked another.
Some found the negativity objectionable. One admirer remarked, “Such a cute outfit.” “Can’t believe some people say she “put on too much weight,”” exclaimed one supporter of her. She looks more human than a stick figure.
“Definitely find her more attractive with some extra meat on her bones,” was one comment made by fans in response to Taylor’s makeover. Never was fond of twig bod. The last praise was just, “She’s beautiful.”
Taylor seemed to have had a good time. She sat in Travis’ opulent suite with his parents, Ed and Donna Kelce, after they had entered the stadium.
Clearly at ease with one another, she and Ed engaged in lively conversation and laughter throughout the exciting NFL game.
In a subsequent video, Taylor stood and applauded, encouraging her partner from the sidelines.
In another Instagram picture, Taylor seemed totally absorbed in the game and was shouting loudly.
She celebrates in pictures with Travis’s father, displaying emotion. They fervently enjoyed the game and were Travis’s supporters.
Following the Chiefs’ victory over the Ravens, Travis and Taylor departed Arrowhead Stadium together.
As they walked hand in hand, the couple appeared content and in love. Taylor and Travis are in a public relationship, so their outings frequently go viral. For a variety of reasons, their date night photos became viral in July.
Perceptive observers conversed about the images’ physical attributes. Many have conjectured that Taylor, like her friend Brittany, might be expecting.
Taylor and Travis, a prominent Hollywood couple, were spotted out in London with pals. Their loved ones shared sweet pair images on July 16, which led some on social media to make assumptions about the couple.
According to Summitt Hogue and Brittany’s Instagram pictures, the “Blank Space” artist and tightrope runner from Kansas City is having fun with pals in Europe.
Summitt’s wife, Miranda Hogue, and Brittany’s husband, Patrick, the quarterback for Kansas City, also joined them.
The thrill of their trip was captured on Summitt’s Instagram carousel, which featured everything from trekking in nature reserves and on beaches with his wife and adorable daughters to taking a helicopter ride with Patrick.
In the fifth picture, Summit shared a lovely group shot that included Miranda, Brittany, Travis, Patrick, and Taylor. As the well-known pair moved in front of the other two pairs, Travis wrapped Taylor’s right arm around her shoulders and placed his hand beneath her breasts.
That evening, the vocalist of “Bad Blood” donned a light-blue dress by Vivienne Westwood. $1,010 is the price of the “Sunday gathered cotton midi dress.”
Taylor accessorized her Vivienne Westwood ensemble with a purple purse in the form of a heart. For $721.35 (€660), Taylor offers its “Josephine Heart Crossbody” in croc-embossed leather online. Her heels were block yellow.
Additional European travel adventures can be seen in Brittany’s carousel article. Brittany shared pictures of herself, her husband Patrick, and their adorable babies, Taylor and Travis.
In one stunning picture, Brittany and Taylor shared an embrace as their beaus posed behind them. Summitt was dressed the same way as Taylor.
Travis looked put together in a baseball cap and beige co-ord. Another picture included Taylor kissing Brittany’s head and the two of them hugging.
“What a time #Europe,” is how Summitt titled his photo, and Brittany responded, “London & Amsterdam, a time was had.” Regarding Travis and Taylor showing up in Brittany and Summitt’s Instagram pictures, some sent comments.
People on social media expressed unease about Travis touching his partner with his hand. “Swifties take a closer look at this guy,” a user wrote on Instagram. Whoa.
“Looks like she was trying to move his hand to her waist,” another person remarked. I think it’s hideous and disgusting.
Some people were critical of Taylor’s outfit. One witness questioned, “Why does Taylor’s wardrobe always look like something my grandmother would wear?” Another said, “Taylor needs to fire her stylist.”
Others looked at the couple photo where Travis put one hand on Brittany’s lower abdomen. Travis rubs his lower tummy and gestures to himself. What is meant by that? inquired on social media. “Travy get [Tay] preggers we need little besties for life,” remarked another.
A fan said, “Listen, you and Taylor are so cute!!!” in reference to pregnancy. I adore it, dear! Name my kid Goldie and give her to me. “Brittany & Taylor are both pregnant,” said another.
Although Brittany, a close friend of Taylor’s, has revealed that she will soon become a mother of three, Travis and Taylor have not confirmed their pregnancy.
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