Fearing for their children’s futures, parents search for universal parenting techniques that will put their kids on the route to a prosperous job and a happy life. But times are changing, and the old principles of success are no longer relevant. Sometimes, parents’ actions, intended to be helpful, can actually create challenges for their children’s future.
1. Not allowing their kid to fail
Perfectionist parent often strives for perfection themselves, leading them to expect increasing levels of perfection from their child as they grow older — from the child’s artwork never being good enough to their bed not being made perfectly or not studying hard enough. The child faces constant criticism and reprimands but is never allowed to learn from their mistakes. Children of perfectionist parents may grow up to be perfectionists themselves or develop low self-esteem and lack confidence. Both outcomes can negatively impact their future careers.
- Anna’s mother always compared her to Mary, saying, “Look how tidy Mary is compared to you, Anna!” Despite Anna’s efforts to emulate Mary, she never measured up, and her mother’s criticism only intensified. Anna’s mother never allowed her the chance to improve her habits and learn basic skills. Now at 25 years old, Anna still compares herself to others and always comes up short in her own eyes. Needless to say, this constant comparison has taken a toll on her self-esteem.
2. Paying a child for good grades
This topic remains a subject of debate, but consider this perspective: imagine yourself as a contractor continually paying more for a product or service, with the child as the supplier providing it in exchange for money or rewards. It doesn’t sound like a good idea, does it?
- Alexandra’s parents sought to motivate their daughter to excel in her studies by offering money as an incentive. Initially, Alexandra’s grades improved, suggesting the approach was effective. However, her parents later discovered that she had been fabricating stories about an imaginary illness and sharing them with her teachers. She even falsely claimed that her parents constantly criticized her for poor grades. The sympathetic teacher then raised Alexandra’s grades out of pity. Following this incident, Alexandra’s parents discontinued the practice of paying for grades and sought guidance from a child psychologist.
3. Preventing their child from expressing their feelings
Sometimes, adults dismiss a child’s feelings as wrong — insisting that bruises don’t hurt, feeling anger toward a child who hit them is shameful, or being sad even with a valid reason is incorrect. Parents often do this with good intentions, wanting to teach their children proper behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that a fundamental skill for modern individuals is the ability to acknowledge and manage their feelings, emotions, and needs.
- Kate, now 37, vividly remembers how her mother forced her to give away her beloved doll to another girl, admonishing her for being “greedy” and scolding her for getting upset over a “stupid toy.” Kate never got her doll back. Over the years, she has worked hard to assert herself, learning to say “no” to demanding people, including her boss and coworkers. Despite this, Kate often feels guilty whenever she refuses to comply with their requests.
4. Failing to support their child in front of strangers
Every child needs the assurance that their parents will stand up for them in any conflict, regardless of the situation, and won’t blindly trust the words of authority figures like teachers, principals, or neighbors. When parents allow their children to speak up for themselves when they are ready to take responsibility for their actions, it helps them develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of personal accountability.
- Maggy was raised by her grandmother, who often said, “But what will other people think?” Although her grandmother loved Maggy and wanted the best for her, she constantly emphasized the importance of public opinion. As a result, Maggy struggles to make her own decisions and even relies on her friends’ opinions when choosing something as simple as dessert.
5. Drawing inspiration and comparing to successful people
Each generation has its own set of heroes whom young people aspire to emulate. In recent decades, the tales of personal success from wealthy and influential individuals have become widespread. However, it’s not as simple as learning their life story and achieving happiness. If it were that easy, everyone who reads their books would have solved all their financial problems by now.
- Alex developed a passion for computers from a young age. Inspired by the story of Steve Jobs that his dad shared with him, Alex immersed himself in learning everything about Apple. When it came time to choose a university, Alex initially believed he didn’t need higher education because Steve Jobs succeeded without it. Eventually, Alex realized the importance of education for his path and pursued college to advance his career. Now, Alex jokes, “What worked for Steve Jobs is just a waste of time for an ordinary guy like me.”
6. Pressuring their child to decide on their future career
The notion that a person should stick to one career for their entire life is likely outdated and impractical. Many modern occupations didn’t exist a decade ago, while others have already become obsolete.
- Since childhood, Max had a passion for exploring computers and understanding various software programs. Despite his parents’ concerns, he pursued this interest and eventually discovered online courses in software testing. Now, he is thriving in this field, leveraging his potential and skills.
- Laura, at 37, worked as a sociologist for a major consulting firm but found it challenging to maintain her career after having her son. During maternity leave, she rediscovered her love for photography. Starting with unique photos of her child, Laura progressed to offering photoshoots for friends’ and acquaintances’ kids. Over time, she opened her photo studio. Laura now earns as much as her husband and successfully manages her professional life while caring for her family. This shift exemplifies the evolving nature of careers and the importance of embracing new opportunities.
7. Arguing about money
Since children may absorb long-lasting messages from these circumstances, it’s crucial to avoid arguing about money or other matters in front of them. Instead of one-on-one conflicts, which can cause youngsters to take sides and become distressed, talks should be led in a way that promotes involvement.
- Chris grew up witnessing his parents argue about money. When he went to college at 17 and moved away, he struggled with managing his finances and spending on unnecessary items. He now fears starting relationships, believing that money is the root cause of his sadness.
8. Prohibiting the child from using social networks
Social networks have become today’s equivalent of the yards and neighborhoods where we used to play as children. Kids can learn valuable skills through computer programs integrated with social media platforms. While parents should remind their kids about online safety rules, depriving children of this experience can be harsh.
- Aria’s mother was surprised to discover that her 10-year-old daughter had learned to create cool videos. Even more surprising was the realization that Aria had learned this skill from using TikTok. Now, creating short videos has become a family hobby for them.
9. Teaching the kid that they have the stuff at home
Many of us recall times when we asked our parents to buy us things, only to hear, “We already have that at home; we don’t need it.” Some parents repeatedly expose their children to such situations, unintentionally discouraging them from getting what they truly need. This pattern can significantly impact their financial habits as adults. On the other hand, constantly satisfying a child’s every need can also have negative effects.
- Jan’s mother often tells him they have things at home and they don’t buy them from the store. Jan has learned to overlook his needs, and with each subsequent request, he withdraws more, knowing not to ask. When Jan grows up and earns his income, money will go towards trivial things because that’s how he’s learned to live.
10. Preventing children from getting into conflicts
The ability to engage with others is perhaps one of the most crucial professional skills one can possess. It’s important not only to help children make friends but also to teach them how to engage in healthy arguments. People often hold differing opinions, and there are various ways to express emotions. The sooner children grasp this concept, the easier their interactions with others will be, including in professional settings.
- Michaela spent her life avoiding conflicts, preferring to agree with others rather than engage in disputes. She believed that someone always had to be the “smarter” one, but this approach proved more harmful than beneficial. One day, Michaela learned about active listening and decided to apply this approach in her professional life. She excelled at paying attention to others’ perspectives while also expressing her feelings when others attempted to take advantage of her. Initially, people found her communication style unconventional, but conflicts with coworkers became more constructive, leading to mutually beneficial resolutions.
11. Helping their child learn to save money
The world is always changing, and old ways of making or saving money might not work anymore. We can’t predict what skills will be valuable in the future economy. That’s why it’s important to teach kids to be flexible and ready for change, not just to save money.
- Emily’s grandfather saved money his whole life “just in case.” But when that “case” finally happened, a financial meltdown made all his investments lose value. Emily saw this while growing up, and now she’s worried the economy could collapse at any time. She believes the best investment is in her skills and knowledge.
12. Trying to build a strong character with the help of sports
While there’s a widespread belief that sports are beneficial for discipline and character development, excessive competitiveness in professional sports can be detrimental to a child’s physical and mental health. This competitiveness can be fueled by both fellow young athletes and coaches. Only a few individuals become champions, and coaches often prioritize these select few, neglecting the rest of the team. Coping with this unfair treatment at a young age can lead to low self-esteem and confusion about alternative life paths if a child must stop playing sports.
- Tom’s mother pursued rhythmic gymnastics as a child but had to abandon her Olympic dreams due to a leg injury. When Tom was three, his mother enrolled him in gymnastics classes, hoping he would excel. However, Tom struggled in this sport, leading him to lose interest in school, feel like a failure, and struggle to identify his strengths. Now, Tom is studying to become a child psychologist to help parents navigate the challenges of raising children without making the same mistakes.
Being protective of your children is natural, but it’s important to set boundaries. Respecting their privacy is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship and their personal development. Violating their privacy can have serious negative effects, especially on their mental health.
We Sent Money to Our Son for College Tuition – One Day, We Discovered He Wasn’t Even Enrolled and Lived in an Old Trailer
As parents, we’d always believed in our son. He was the perfect child—brilliant, and destined for greatness. So when we sent him off to college with thousands of dollars for tuition, we never questioned his progress. Until the day we found out he had been lying to us all along.
From the moment Jason was born, he was our pride and joy. Growing up, he wasn’t just “our son”; he was the son every family in the neighborhood admired. He excelled at everything he touched.
Boy receiving an award in school | Source: Midjourney
Straight A’s? Easy. Captain of the basketball team? Of course. And his charm? It was magnetic. Parents would nudge their kids, saying, “Be more like Jason.” He was handsome, polite, and ambitious. At least, that’s what we thought.
For as long as I can remember, Jason always had a soft spot for animals.
If a stray cat wandered into the yard, it was Jason who would sneak it milk. When our dog, Max, got sick, Jason stayed up all night by his side, even though he was only eight.
Young boy bonding with his dog | Source: Midjourney
“Mom, I want to help animals when I grow up,” he said once, eyes gleaming as he watched Max wag his tail weakly.
“I want to be like Uncle Tom,” he insisted.
I remember laughing softly, tousling his hair. “That’s sweet, honey, but you can help more people if you become a businessman like your dad.”
Young boy bonding with his dog while chatting with his mom. | Source: Midjourney
My husband, Daniel, and I had always envisioned Jason as the future head of our family business. He had all the qualities of a leader.
So, when the time came to choose a college, we insisted on management. Jason hesitated at first, but eventually, he agreed. I thought we had his future all mapped out.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Boy standing at a college building | Source: Midjourney
It started innocently enough. Jason was two years into college, supposedly studying business management at a prestigious university. We sent him money every month for tuition and living expenses.
Life was busy for Daniel and me; running a company doesn’t leave much room for doubt. So, we never questioned anything.
But then, everything unraveled.
Woman in her car, talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
A business trip took me to the city where Jason’s college was located. I was excited to surprise him. “I’ll swing by his dorm, maybe take him out to dinner,” I told Daniel over the phone.
When I arrived at the admissions office to get his dorm address, the woman behind the counter gave me a confused look. “Jason Reed? I’m sorry, but we don’t have anyone by that name enrolled here.”
I froze, sure there was some mistake. “Check again,” I insisted, my voice trembling.
She checked. And then she checked again. “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there’s no record of a Jason Reed. Are you sure this is the right university?”
Woman talking to a receptionist | Source: Midjourney
My stomach turned. I thanked her stiffly and left the office, my mind racing.
I called Jason immediately. “Hey, Mom!” he answered, cheerful as ever.
“Hi, sweetheart,” I said, forcing my voice to stay steady. “I’m in town for a meeting and thought I’d surprise you. How about coffee?”
There was a pause. “Uh, yeah, sure! Let’s meet at the café near campus.”
Something was off, but I brushed it aside. When I saw him at the café, he looked as polished as ever—relaxed, confident, and full of that same charm that had everyone fooled.
Mother and son at a coffee shop | Source: Midjourney
“How’s school?” I asked casually.
“Great! Classes are tough, but I’m learning a lot,” he said without missing a beat. “Midterms are coming up, so I’ve been studying nonstop.”
He lied so smoothly, that I almost believed him. But the admissions clerk’s words echoed in my head. He’s not enrolled here.
When we hugged goodbye, I slipped my fitness bracelet into his jacket pocket. It had GPS. If Jason was lying to me, I needed to know where he was really going.
Mother and son hugging | Source: Midjourney
That evening, I followed the bracelet’s signal. It led me far from campus, away from the bustling city, to the outskirts of town. The smooth tarmac gave way to a dirt road lined with towering trees. The GPS beeped faster as I approached a small clearing.
And there it was—a rusty old trailer, half-hidden among the trees. The roof sagged under the weight of mismatched patches, and the whole place looked like it might collapse in a strong wind.
An old trailer in the woods | Source: Midjourney
I parked my car and waited, gripping the steering wheel so tightly. Ten minutes passed before Jason appeared, walking up the dirt path with a bag slung over his shoulder.
My heart stopped.
I watched as he knocked on the trailer door. When it creaked open, another figure stepped out. It was my brother, Tom.
“Tom?” I whispered to myself, shocked. I hadn’t seen him in over a year. Tom, had always been a wanderer. While Daniel and I built a stable life, Tom flitted between jobs but finally became a veterinarian.
Man standing at the door of an old trailer | Source: Midjourney
Without thinking, I got out of the car and marched toward the trailer.
“Jason!” I called, my voice sharp.
He spun around, eyes wide. “Mom?! What are you doing here?”
“I should be asking you that!” I yelled. “What is this place? Why aren’t you at school? And why is he here?”
Tom leaned against the doorframe, smirking. “Nice to see you too, sis.”
“Stay out of this, Tom,” I snapped, glaring at him.
Jason stepped forward, hands up. “Mom, I can explain.”
Son explaining himself to his mother | Source: Midjourney
“No,” I interrupted, my voice trembling. “I’ve been sending you money—our money—for tuition, thinking you were in college. Were you ever enrolled?”
Jason hesitated, then shook his head. “No.”
The word hit me like a slap. “Then where has all the money gone?”
Jason glanced at Tom, then back at me. “I’ve been using it to fund something…important. Uncle Tom’s been helping me.”
My gaze snapped to Tom, who looked unbothered. “Helping you do what?”
Man standing at the door of an old trailer | Source: Midjourney
Jason took a deep breath. “I’m building a veterinary clinic.”
“What?”
“I’ve been dreaming about this my whole life, Mom. Uncle Tom had the skills and connections to help me get started. I’m using the money to buy equipment and renovate a building nearby. Once it’s ready, he’s going to be the head vet.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “You lied to us! You’ve been funneling money to this—to him?” I pointed at Tom, whose smirk only deepened.
“Mom, this is my calling,” Jason said, his voice steady. “You and Dad wanted me to take over the business, but that’s not who I am. I want to help animals.”
Son talking to his mom | Source: Midjourney
“You betrayed us!” I shouted, my voice cracking. “You’ll never see another penny from me again.”
I turned and stormed back to my car, tears blurring my vision.
Three months passed, and I didn’t speak to Jason. The silence was unbearable, but I couldn’t bring myself to call him. Then, one day, an envelope arrived in the mail.
The letter read: “Dear Mrs. Reed, Thank you for believing in your son and financing his veterinary clinic. Recently, my dog was hit by a car, and your son saved her life. If it weren’t for him—and for you—she wouldn’t be here today.”
I stared at the letter, my hands shaking.
Woman reading a letter | Source: Midjourney
Over the next few weeks, more letters and emails poured in. Each one told a similar story: animals saved, families reunited, lives changed—all thanks to Jason.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
One night, unable to sleep, I found myself searching for Jason’s Veterinary Clinic online. The result popped up instantly, complete with photos of a small building with bright green awnings and a cheerful sign. My breath caught when I saw Jason in the photo, smiling beside a family and their golden retriever.
I grabbed my keys.
Woman’s hand grabbing car keys from the table | Source: Midjourney
The clinic looked just like the pictures. The parking lot was busy, the hum of life evident in the barking of dogs and the chatter of pet owners. My legs felt like jelly as I walked to the front door.
Inside, the first person I saw was Tom. He looked up from a clipboard and froze.
“Well, if it isn’t my sister,” he said, raising an eyebrow. “To what do we owe the honor?”
“I got your messages,” I said, holding back tears.
“My messages?” He smirked, crossing his arms. “Oh, you mean the flood of letters from people thanking you for something you tried to stop.”
Veterinary doctor having a conversation with his sister in his office | Source: Midjourney
I flinched, but he didn’t stop.
“You wrote him off, but look around.” He gestured to the clinic bustling with life. “This is Jason. This is what you didn’t see. You were so busy planning his life, you never stopped to ask what he wanted.”
“Where is he?” I asked, ignoring the sting of his words.
Tom nodded toward a back room. “Go see for yourself.”
Veterinary doctor talking to his sister in his office | Source: Midjourney
On the other side, Jason bent over an examination table, gently examining a scruffy dog while speaking softly to a tearful woman.
“Mom?” he said, noticing me. His voice held equal parts surprise and fear.
I didn’t speak at first, the lump in my throat too heavy. Finally, I managed, “You did this?”
Jason nodded slowly. “Yeah. I did.”
His confidence wavered as he spoke. “I know I hurt you. I know I lied, but—”
“Jason,” I interrupted, my voice breaking. “I was wrong.”
He blinked.
Mother and son having a conversation | Source: Midjourney
I took a shaky step forward. “This is your calling. It’s everything you said it was. And I couldn’t see it. I tried to control you, to make you into someone you weren’t, but…” My voice cracked. “You’ve built something beautiful. Something that saves lives. I’m so proud of you.”
Jason’s eyes glistened as he stepped toward me. “That means everything, Mom.”
Behind us, Tom’s voice rang out, amused but warm. “Look at that. Turns out we were right all along.”
I turned back to Jason, my heart finally at peace.
“Promise me one thing,” I said.
“Anything,” he replied.
“Don’t ever stop being this person.”
Young veterinary doctor talking to his mother | Source: Midjourney
If you enjoyed this story, you might love this one too: My stepmom took $5,000 from my college fund for her veneers — then karma struck back.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided as “is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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