
Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over and I am leaving.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work.
I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I decided not to comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
Please share this story with your friends and family if you think it was funny.
My Neighbor Egged My Car Over Halloween Decorations—You Won’t Believe His Reason
I was beyond exhausted—the kind of tired that makes you question if you’ve brushed your teeth or remembered to feed the dog.
Ever since the twins were born, my days had blurred into a never-ending cycle of diaper changes, feeding schedules, and sleepless nights. The last thing I needed was another problem to deal with. But when I stepped outside that morning, I found my car completely covered in eggs.
At first, I thought it was a random prank. Who wouldn’t? Halloween was around the corner, and maybe some kids had gotten a little too excited. I sighed, too tired to even be upset, and grabbed a sponge and bucket, ready to clean up the mess.
But just as I started scrubbing, my neighbor Brad came strutting over with that smug grin of his.
“That was me,” he said, almost proudly. “Your car was ruining the view of my Halloween decorations.”
I blinked at him, trying to process his words through the fog of exhaustion. My car? Ruining his view? His ridiculous display of plastic skeletons, fake cobwebs, and oversized pumpkins?
Furious, but too tired to even start an argument, I just nodded, biting back the urge to say something I might regret. I didn’t have the energy for a confrontation, but in that moment, I silently promised myself that I’d find a way to teach Brad a lesson.
He had no idea who he was messing with.

Don’t get me wrong, Lily and Lucas were my sweet little babies, but taking care of two newborns mostly by myself was incredibly hard. I hadn’t slept a full night in months. Halloween was coming, and the whole neighborhood was excited—except me.
I didn’t have the energy to decorate, let alone get into the festive spirit.
Then, there was Brad.

Brad took Halloween way too seriously. Every year, he turned his house into a huge haunted attraction with gravestones, skeletons, big jack-o’-lanterns, and more.
He loved the attention and would smile proudly whenever someone complimented his decorations.
The entire block loved it, but I was too exhausted to care about Brad’s haunted house.
One October morning, things started to fall apart.

I went outside, carrying Lily on one hip and holding Lucas in my arm, when I noticed something. My car was covered in eggs! The eggshells were stuck to the gooey mess, dripping down the windshield like some gross breakfast gone wrong.
“Are you serious?” I muttered, staring at the mess.
The night before, I had parked in front of Brad’s house. I didn’t have much choice since it was easier to park closer to my door with the twins’ stroller.

At first, I thought it was a prank. But when I saw egg splatters near Brad’s porch, I knew it had to be him.
Brad had done this.
Even though he didn’t own the street, Brad acted like he controlled the curb during Halloween.
Furious, I marched over to his house and knocked on the door, maybe harder than I should have, but I didn’t care anymore.
“What?” Brad opened the door with his usual smug expression, crossing his arms.

His house was already decorated. There were cobwebs, plastic skeletons, and a witch sitting on a chair. It was all too much.
I wasted no time. “Did you see who egged my car?”
Without blinking, Brad replied, “I did it. Your car was blocking the view of my decorations.”
I stared at him in disbelief. “You egged my car because it was parked in front of your house? You didn’t ask me to move it—you just trashed it?”
He shrugged like it was no big deal. “How can people see my display if your car is in the way?”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Are you serious?”

Brad nodded, still looking pleased with himself. “I’m the Halloween King. People come from all over to see my decorations. You’re always parked there. It’s inconsiderate and ruins the vibe.”
I was juggling two newborns, barely holding it together, and he was talking about ruining the vibe?
“Well, sorry if my life interferes with your spooky setup,” I snapped. “I’ve got newborn twins, Brad.”
“I know,” he said, leaning against the doorframe. “Maybe park somewhere else.”
“I park there because it’s easier with the babies and the stroller!”
Brad shrugged again. “Not my problem. You can park there after Halloween.”
I stood there, speechless, my anger boiling inside. But being so tired, I couldn’t even argue anymore.

“Fine,” I snapped, and stormed back inside, shaking with anger and disbelief.
As I washed the egg off my car, something clicked. Brad wasn’t just an annoying neighbor—he was a bully. And I had had enough. If he wanted to play dirty, fine. I could play smarter.
Later that night, while rocking Lily to sleep, an idea hit me. Brad’s weakness was his pride. He needed his haunted house to be the best. I didn’t have the energy for a fight, but revenge? That, I could handle.
The next day, I casually strolled over to Brad’s yard while he was adding more decorations.

“Hey, Brad,” I said, faking cheerfulness. “I’ve been thinking. It was inconsiderate of me to block your display. Have you thought about upgrading it?”
He looked suspicious. “Upgrade?”
“Yeah, with things like fog machines or ghost projectors. Your setup is great, but those would really impress people.”
His eyes lit up. I knew I had him.
I suggested brands I had researched—terrible machines with awful reviews. But he didn’t need to know that.

“You think so?” he asked, already planning his next move.
“Oh, definitely. You’d be the talk of the neighborhood.”
Satisfied, I walked away, waiting for Halloween.
When Halloween night came, Brad’s house looked like a scene from a horror movie. He had gone all out, as I expected.
Crowds gathered to admire his setup, and Brad was in the middle of it, enjoying the attention.
I watched from my porch, feeling like a villain in a movie. His display looked impressive—until it didn’t.
Right on cue, the fog machine sputtered and started spraying water like a garden hose. The crowd gasped, and kids laughed.

Brad rushed to fix it, but then his ghost projector malfunctioned. Instead of a spooky ghost, it showed a strange blob, making the kids laugh even more.
Then, one of his giant inflatables collapsed, rolling across the yard. Some teenagers, seeing the disaster, threw eggs at his house for fun.
Brad was frantic, running around trying to save his haunted house, but it was too late. His Halloween display had turned into a joke.
The next morning, just as I was feeding Lucas, there was a knock at the door. Brad stood there, looking defeated.
“I, uh, wanted to apologize,” he mumbled. “I overreacted.”
I crossed my arms, waiting. “Yeah, you did.”
He shifted uncomfortably. “I didn’t realize how hard it must be with the twins. I’m sorry.”
I let him squirm for a bit. “Thanks for apologizing, Brad. I’m sure it won’t happen again.”
He nodded quickly. “It won’t.”
As he turned to leave, I couldn’t help but add, “Funny how things work out, huh?”
Brad had no response.
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