Fearing for their children’s futures, parents search for universal parenting techniques that will put their kids on the route to a prosperous job and a happy life. But times are changing, and the old principles of success are no longer relevant. Sometimes, parents’ actions, intended to be helpful, can actually create challenges for their children’s future.
1. Not allowing their kid to fail
Perfectionist parent often strives for perfection themselves, leading them to expect increasing levels of perfection from their child as they grow older — from the child’s artwork never being good enough to their bed not being made perfectly or not studying hard enough. The child faces constant criticism and reprimands but is never allowed to learn from their mistakes. Children of perfectionist parents may grow up to be perfectionists themselves or develop low self-esteem and lack confidence. Both outcomes can negatively impact their future careers.
- Anna’s mother always compared her to Mary, saying, “Look how tidy Mary is compared to you, Anna!” Despite Anna’s efforts to emulate Mary, she never measured up, and her mother’s criticism only intensified. Anna’s mother never allowed her the chance to improve her habits and learn basic skills. Now at 25 years old, Anna still compares herself to others and always comes up short in her own eyes. Needless to say, this constant comparison has taken a toll on her self-esteem.
2. Paying a child for good grades
This topic remains a subject of debate, but consider this perspective: imagine yourself as a contractor continually paying more for a product or service, with the child as the supplier providing it in exchange for money or rewards. It doesn’t sound like a good idea, does it?
- Alexandra’s parents sought to motivate their daughter to excel in her studies by offering money as an incentive. Initially, Alexandra’s grades improved, suggesting the approach was effective. However, her parents later discovered that she had been fabricating stories about an imaginary illness and sharing them with her teachers. She even falsely claimed that her parents constantly criticized her for poor grades. The sympathetic teacher then raised Alexandra’s grades out of pity. Following this incident, Alexandra’s parents discontinued the practice of paying for grades and sought guidance from a child psychologist.
3. Preventing their child from expressing their feelings
Sometimes, adults dismiss a child’s feelings as wrong — insisting that bruises don’t hurt, feeling anger toward a child who hit them is shameful, or being sad even with a valid reason is incorrect. Parents often do this with good intentions, wanting to teach their children proper behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that a fundamental skill for modern individuals is the ability to acknowledge and manage their feelings, emotions, and needs.
- Kate, now 37, vividly remembers how her mother forced her to give away her beloved doll to another girl, admonishing her for being “greedy” and scolding her for getting upset over a “stupid toy.” Kate never got her doll back. Over the years, she has worked hard to assert herself, learning to say “no” to demanding people, including her boss and coworkers. Despite this, Kate often feels guilty whenever she refuses to comply with their requests.
4. Failing to support their child in front of strangers
Every child needs the assurance that their parents will stand up for them in any conflict, regardless of the situation, and won’t blindly trust the words of authority figures like teachers, principals, or neighbors. When parents allow their children to speak up for themselves when they are ready to take responsibility for their actions, it helps them develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of personal accountability.
- Maggy was raised by her grandmother, who often said, “But what will other people think?” Although her grandmother loved Maggy and wanted the best for her, she constantly emphasized the importance of public opinion. As a result, Maggy struggles to make her own decisions and even relies on her friends’ opinions when choosing something as simple as dessert.
5. Drawing inspiration and comparing to successful people
Each generation has its own set of heroes whom young people aspire to emulate. In recent decades, the tales of personal success from wealthy and influential individuals have become widespread. However, it’s not as simple as learning their life story and achieving happiness. If it were that easy, everyone who reads their books would have solved all their financial problems by now.
- Alex developed a passion for computers from a young age. Inspired by the story of Steve Jobs that his dad shared with him, Alex immersed himself in learning everything about Apple. When it came time to choose a university, Alex initially believed he didn’t need higher education because Steve Jobs succeeded without it. Eventually, Alex realized the importance of education for his path and pursued college to advance his career. Now, Alex jokes, “What worked for Steve Jobs is just a waste of time for an ordinary guy like me.”
6. Pressuring their child to decide on their future career
The notion that a person should stick to one career for their entire life is likely outdated and impractical. Many modern occupations didn’t exist a decade ago, while others have already become obsolete.
- Since childhood, Max had a passion for exploring computers and understanding various software programs. Despite his parents’ concerns, he pursued this interest and eventually discovered online courses in software testing. Now, he is thriving in this field, leveraging his potential and skills.
- Laura, at 37, worked as a sociologist for a major consulting firm but found it challenging to maintain her career after having her son. During maternity leave, she rediscovered her love for photography. Starting with unique photos of her child, Laura progressed to offering photoshoots for friends’ and acquaintances’ kids. Over time, she opened her photo studio. Laura now earns as much as her husband and successfully manages her professional life while caring for her family. This shift exemplifies the evolving nature of careers and the importance of embracing new opportunities.
7. Arguing about money
Since children may absorb long-lasting messages from these circumstances, it’s crucial to avoid arguing about money or other matters in front of them. Instead of one-on-one conflicts, which can cause youngsters to take sides and become distressed, talks should be led in a way that promotes involvement.
- Chris grew up witnessing his parents argue about money. When he went to college at 17 and moved away, he struggled with managing his finances and spending on unnecessary items. He now fears starting relationships, believing that money is the root cause of his sadness.
8. Prohibiting the child from using social networks
Social networks have become today’s equivalent of the yards and neighborhoods where we used to play as children. Kids can learn valuable skills through computer programs integrated with social media platforms. While parents should remind their kids about online safety rules, depriving children of this experience can be harsh.
- Aria’s mother was surprised to discover that her 10-year-old daughter had learned to create cool videos. Even more surprising was the realization that Aria had learned this skill from using TikTok. Now, creating short videos has become a family hobby for them.
9. Teaching the kid that they have the stuff at home
Many of us recall times when we asked our parents to buy us things, only to hear, “We already have that at home; we don’t need it.” Some parents repeatedly expose their children to such situations, unintentionally discouraging them from getting what they truly need. This pattern can significantly impact their financial habits as adults. On the other hand, constantly satisfying a child’s every need can also have negative effects.
- Jan’s mother often tells him they have things at home and they don’t buy them from the store. Jan has learned to overlook his needs, and with each subsequent request, he withdraws more, knowing not to ask. When Jan grows up and earns his income, money will go towards trivial things because that’s how he’s learned to live.
10. Preventing children from getting into conflicts
The ability to engage with others is perhaps one of the most crucial professional skills one can possess. It’s important not only to help children make friends but also to teach them how to engage in healthy arguments. People often hold differing opinions, and there are various ways to express emotions. The sooner children grasp this concept, the easier their interactions with others will be, including in professional settings.
- Michaela spent her life avoiding conflicts, preferring to agree with others rather than engage in disputes. She believed that someone always had to be the “smarter” one, but this approach proved more harmful than beneficial. One day, Michaela learned about active listening and decided to apply this approach in her professional life. She excelled at paying attention to others’ perspectives while also expressing her feelings when others attempted to take advantage of her. Initially, people found her communication style unconventional, but conflicts with coworkers became more constructive, leading to mutually beneficial resolutions.
11. Helping their child learn to save money
The world is always changing, and old ways of making or saving money might not work anymore. We can’t predict what skills will be valuable in the future economy. That’s why it’s important to teach kids to be flexible and ready for change, not just to save money.
- Emily’s grandfather saved money his whole life “just in case.” But when that “case” finally happened, a financial meltdown made all his investments lose value. Emily saw this while growing up, and now she’s worried the economy could collapse at any time. She believes the best investment is in her skills and knowledge.
12. Trying to build a strong character with the help of sports
While there’s a widespread belief that sports are beneficial for discipline and character development, excessive competitiveness in professional sports can be detrimental to a child’s physical and mental health. This competitiveness can be fueled by both fellow young athletes and coaches. Only a few individuals become champions, and coaches often prioritize these select few, neglecting the rest of the team. Coping with this unfair treatment at a young age can lead to low self-esteem and confusion about alternative life paths if a child must stop playing sports.
- Tom’s mother pursued rhythmic gymnastics as a child but had to abandon her Olympic dreams due to a leg injury. When Tom was three, his mother enrolled him in gymnastics classes, hoping he would excel. However, Tom struggled in this sport, leading him to lose interest in school, feel like a failure, and struggle to identify his strengths. Now, Tom is studying to become a child psychologist to help parents navigate the challenges of raising children without making the same mistakes.
Being protective of your children is natural, but it’s important to set boundaries. Respecting their privacy is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship and their personal development. Violating their privacy can have serious negative effects, especially on their mental health.
My Husband Pretended to Rent Our House While He Actually Owned It, Karma Didn’t Let It Slide
Emma had always been the frugal one, making sure that after her rent was taken care of, she still had enough money to make ends meet. But one day, when her husband is away for work, Emma takes care of the rent payment, only to discover that the rent she’s been paying is actually for her mother-in-law’s monthly allowances. Emma and Karma team up, ready to serve justice.
I had always been frugal, meticulously budgeting every penny of my salary. New clothes, makeup, and vacations were all luxuries that I saw my friends indulge in, but they were dreams I had to put on hold.
A woman counting money | Source: Pexels
“I just want to go on a vacation in a sunny place,” I told my best friend, Jessica. “To just lounge around on the beach and sip cocktails.”
“Soon,” Jessica would say. “I know that you’re close to sorting the house out and finally being free of rent and whatnot.”
People holding drinks at the beach | Source: Pexels
The house. That was where our problems had begun.
Every month, a significant portion of my paycheck went toward the rent of our little home. Paul, my husband, and I both contributed to the rent, but he always handled the payments to our elusive landlord.
I trusted him implicitly, and of course, I never questioned his actions.
A Surburban house | Source: Midjourney
“Don’t worry, darling,” Paul would say. “I’ll take the money from our joint account each month and do the rest.”
Years passed, and my sacrifices continued. Paul took care of the power and the water bills, and we both contributed to the groceries. As difficult as it sometimes was, we both knew that it was just something that needed to be done.
A couple standing outside a store | Source: Midjourney
One day, Paul had to leave early for a short business trip. It wasn’t anything new, and we had both gotten used to him going away on these trips.
“Do you want me to take care of rent?” I asked as I helped him pack his clothes away. “I know that you’re going to be traveling on the first of the month.”
“No, but thank you,” he said. “I’ll try and log on from my laptop and do it, or I’ll just handle it when I’m back.”
An open suitcase | Source: Pexels
“Honey, you’re already doing so much for us. Let me lighten the burden and help,” I said.
Paul sighed deeply and took two ties out of his closet.
“It’s fine, Emma,” he said curtly. “I’ve got it under control.”
A man holding ties | Source: Midjourney
My husband left early the next morning and that was it. He didn’t speak about the rent topic again.
As the days went by and the rent was due the following day, I left my office during lunch to go to the bank.
“Where are you headed off to?” Jessica asked me as I gathered my handbag and cellphone before leaving the office.
A woman in an office | Source: Pexels
“Just to the bank,” I replied. “I’ll be back soon and then we can get something for lunch.”
I walked into the bank ready to make a payment and lighten my husband’s load. But what I discovered was a different reality altogether.
I approached a teller and explained my situation, giving her all my relevant details.
A large building | Source: Unsplash
“I just need to transfer rent money to my landlord,” I said. “My husband usually does this stuff, but he’s away on business.”
The teller smiled at me and looked at my identity document before continuing.
“Certainly, ma’am,” the teller said, pulling up the account details. “Could you confirm the account number?”
A bank teller at her desk | Source: Midjourney
I read the number off the notepad I had taken from Paul’s desk that morning. He had a habit of writing all his important information on that one notepad.
“Thank you,” the teller said, typing the number in.
“A Mrs. Helen Parker?” she asked. “That’s your landlord’s account?”
A woman holding a notebook | Source: Midjourney
I blinked in confusion.
“Helen Parker? Are you sure that’s what it says?” I exclaimed, my hands feeling clammy.
The teller, sensing that something was amiss, double-checked the records, frowning slightly as she concentrated.
A woman using a laptop | Source: Pexels
“This is the account that has been receiving money from your account. It’s actually been receiving money for years.”
Paul’s mother. Helen Parker was Paul’s mother.
“There must be some mistake, surely,” I said.
A woman at her desk | Source: Midjourney
“I’m afraid not, ma’am,” she said. “This account has consistently received the monthly payments. Look, I can print it all out for you if you’d like to go through it yourself.”
I nodded, too numb with shock.
I left the bank and drove home in a daze, forgetting that I needed to get back to work entirely.
A woman driving | Source: Pexels
Once home, I went straight to Paul’s study and began rifling through his drawers. I needed answers.
“How on earth have I been paying for his mother’s lifestyle all these years?” I said aloud.
It didn’t take long to find everything I needed. There it was, the ownership document for our house, signed and dated years ago, with Paul listed as the sole owner.
Open desk drawers | Source: Midjourney
I didn’t know what to think, so I sat in silence for a few moments until my phone rang.
“Emma?” Jessica’s voice ran through the room. “Are you okay? Why didn’t you come back to the office?”
Quickly, I caught my best friend up on the drama.
A woman talking on the phone | Source: Pexels
“So, the rent that you’ve been paying is actually Helen’s allowance?” Jessica gasped. “That’s so ridiculous!”
“Yes,” I replied, holding my head in my hands. “I don’t know what to do. Paul is away for the next few days.”
“Did he take his laptop?” Jessica asked.
“No, actually, he didn’t,” I replied.
“Then go through it! Look for more information!”
A woman using a laptop | Source: Pexels
My hands trembling, I turned on his laptop and found a series of messages exchanged between Paul and Helen. The messages detailed their plan, discussing how they would keep me in the dark and ensure I continued to pay rent, funneling my money straight to her.
“What the heck?” I muttered under my breath.
A close-up of a shocked woman | Source: Midjourney
As the full weight of the betrayal settled on me, karma arrived with no delay. That evening, a violent storm swept through our town, leaving floods behind.
Of course, my house was one of them.
By the next morning, water started seeping through the ceiling, and within minutes, the whole house was flooded.
Water falling through a ceiling | Source: Midjourney
I took my belongings and went to a hotel. I wasn’t about to suffer through this alone.
“You can come to me,” Jessica said when I called to tell her that I was staying at a hotel.
“No,” I said. “I don’t plan on staying in the house long, so I’ll be here for a while. When Paul returns home, I’ll go to the house and get the last of my things.”
A hotel room | Source: Midjourney
On the day that Paul was scheduled to come home, I went over to the house and worked my way through the things that were not damaged by the flooding.
“Emma, are you okay?” he asked as he stepped into the house. “What happened here?”
I turned to him, my eyes cold.
An upset woman | Source: Midjourney
“I’m fine. But the house isn’t. The ceiling doesn’t look too good in some places. But it’s a good thing that’s not our house, right? The landlord’s insurance can cover it.”
To his credit, my husband isn’t stupid and he was able to pick up on my sarcasm easily.
Paul paled, realizing that he was trapped.
“Emma, I can explain,” he said.
“Don’t bother,” I interrupted. “I found the bank records, the ownership documents, and your messages to Helen. I know everything.”
A man looking down | Source: Midjourney
Paul’s shoulders slumped in defeat.
“How could you do that to me?” I asked quietly. “Especially after knowing that I wanted to do things for myself. I wanted us to go on trips together and make memories. But all this time, I was just using my hard-earned money to take care of your mother?”
“What do you want me to tell you? That she’s old and needs it?” Paul asked.
A smiling older woman | Source: Pexels
“We both know that’s not the case,” I retorted. “Your father left everything to her. She’s doing fine. And in any case, it’s not that I wouldn’t have wanted to help Helen if I knew. It’s the fact that you’ve been lying for years.”
“Just wait,” Paul said. “I’m sure that we can work through this.”
“No, we cannot,” I replied. “You’ve been using me for years and I’m finally done with all of this.”
A man looking at his phone | Source: Midjourney
I walked out of the house and went back to the hotel where Jessica promised to come over and spend the evening with me.
The next day, I consulted a lawyer and fought to reclaim the money that I had unknowingly handed over to Helen.
A lawyer sitting in his office | Source: Midjourney
In the end, justice prevailed and the court ruled in my favor, ordering Paul and his mother to repay every cent I had given them over the years.
With my newfound financial freedom, I got myself a little apartment, someplace that I could easily lock up and leave when it was time for a getaway.
And as for Paul? After the money was settled, I filed for a divorce, and left him in the past with his mother.
A living room in an apartment | Source: Midjourney
What would you have done?
If you enjoyed this story, here’s another one for you |
My Kids Listed My House on Airbnb While I Was in the Hospital — I Found a Way to Teach Them a Lesson
A phone opened to an Airbnb app | Source: Pexels
Mariah had been feeling less than healthy lately, causing her to admit herself to the hospital so that she could have a check-up. But in her absence, her children decided to rent out her house as an Airbnb, ready to pocket the money for themselves. When Mariah found out, she decided to teach her children a lesson.
If I was being honest, I didn’t know how I felt about my children’s betrayal. But it hurt me to imagine that while I had been away at the hospital, my children were perfectly fine with having strangers take over my home.
“What were they thinking?” I asked myself.
They hadn’t given a second thought to people using the mugs I had hand-painted, or people sitting in their father’s worn armchair. Paul has been deceased for a few years now, but it still felt like his chair.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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