So I am at Walmart scanning and bagging my almost $300 worth of groceries while the employee that wants $15 an hour “monitors” and then this happened.
Her – why are you double bagging all of your groceries?
Me – excuse me?
Her – you are wasting our bags!
Me – if you don’t likе the way I’m bagging the groceries, feel free to come on over here and bag them yourself.
Her – that’s not my job!
Me – okay, then I will bag my groceries how I please if that’s all right with you.
Her – why are you using two bags?!
Me – because the bags are weak and I don’t want the handles to break or the bottoms to rip out.
Her – well that’s because you are putting too much stuff in the bag. If you took half of that stuff out and put it in a different bag then you wouldn’t need to double bag.
*10 seconds of me just staring at her.
Me – so you want me to split these items in half and put half of them in a different bag so that I don’t have to double bag.
Her – exactly.
Me – so I would still be using two bags to hold the same number of items.
Her – no because you wouldn’t be double bagging.
*me pressing two fingers to my left eye in an attempt to make it stop twitching.
Me – okay so here I have a jug of milk and a bottle of juice double bagged. If I take the milk out and remove the double bagging and just put the milk in the single bag and the juice in that single bag I’m still using two bags for these two items.
Her- no because you are not double bagging them so it’s not the same number of bags.
*me looking around at about 10 other customers who at this point are enjoying the show.
Me- is this likе that Common Core math stuff I keep hearing about?
Her- never mind you just don’t get it.
And with that, she went back to her little Podium so she could continue texting or playing games on her phone or whatever it was she was doing before she decided to come over and critique my bagging skiIIs.
I Enlisted a Pretend Partner for Our Family Meal – It Became the Most Rewarding Choice of My Life
Family gatherings were the worst for Lara, especially since her sister, Emily, began to make fun of her love life, or lack thereof. Determined to sit through her father’s birthday dinner, Lara decides to hire a boyfriend for the night. Little did she know that a romantic comedy would play out.
I love my family, but family gatherings used to be a nightmare for me. Every single time we got together, my sister Emily would find some way or the other to poke fun at my single life.
Last Thanksgiving, she took it too far and even set a place at the table for my “imaginary boyfriend,” complete with a hand-drawn face on a napkin. Everyone around the table laughed while I forced a smile.
“It’s funny, Lara!” she would say whenever I brought up the incident.
It was anything but funny.
Now, my father’s birthday is coming up, and of course, it was to be celebrated with a family dinner.
“There’s no way I can sit through another one of those events with my family,” I told my friend, Kate, when we met for coffee.
“I’m telling you now, Emily probably has something up her sleeve already,” I grumbled.
“Then just hire someone out for the night!” Kate chuckled, adding sugar to her coffee.
“Hire a man?” I exclaimed.
“Yes! My sister did it through an agency. She didn’t want to go to her ex-boyfriend’s wedding by herself, so she found the agency. Look, it’s all above board and the guys do exactly what you need them to do.”
“It’s not… sleazy?” I asked, trying to think of a better word.
“No, Lara,” she giggled. “And you know my sister. She’s so prim and proper! She wouldn’t have gone ahead with it if she didn’t think that everything was legitimate.”
Which is how I ended up hiring a date to the family gathering. I found Jake through the same agency that Kate’s sister used. He was charming, easy to talk to, and seemed to understand exactly what I needed.
We met a few times before the dinner to get our story straight, because the last thing I wanted was Emily to get wind of something fishy.
“So, the story is that we met at a mutual friend’s party, hit it off over their dog, and have been dating for three months,” Jake said, grinning. “Sounds about right.”
“Look, any story involving myself and a dog are winners,” I replied, opening our Chinese takeout for dinner.
“And I’m an architect with a passion for cooking, right?” he confirmed.
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