In what can only be described as a scene straight out of a surreal comedy sketch, Guy Fieri, the spiky-haired maestro of Flavortown, reportedly ejected none other than America’s beloved actor, Tom Hanks, from one of his diners. The reason? Fieri branded Hanks as “ungodly and woke.
” Let’s take a flavorful dive into this bizarre gastronomic tussle that’s cooking up a storm.Imagine the scene: Tom Hanks, the ever-charming Hollywood icon known for his roles as the everyman in crisis, walks into a Guy Fieri establishment, possibly seeking nothing more than a classic American meal.
Meanwhile, Fieri, the boisterous and larger-than-life chef and TV personality, renowned for his love of over-the-top flavors, is behind the counter, donning his trademark bleach-blond spikes and sunglasses.
As Hanks settles in, perhaps looking forward to a hearty plate of Fieri’s signature Trash Can Nachos, things take a turn for the absurd. Fieri, upon recognizing Hanks, approaches the table and, in a moment that defies all norms of hospitality and reason, declares Hanks “ungodly and woke” and unsuitable for the sacred halls of Flavortown.
Fieri’s accusation, “ungodly and woke,” seems like an oxymoron of epic proportions, especially when thrown at Tom Hanks, who has long been the epitome of Hollywood’s Mr. Nice Guy.
How did Hanks earn this bizarre title in the kingdom of Flavortown? Was it his portrayal of morally upright characters, or perhaps his off-screen demeanor that radiates nothing but kindness and humility?
My Husband Died on Our Wedding Day – If Only I Knew He Fooled Us All
I thought I was living my dream when I married Damian, but it all turned into a nightmare before the reception. I ended up burying my husband three days after our wedding, only to come face-to-face with him behind the wheel of a taxi.
This isn’t something I can tell the people around me, so I have to use the anonymity of the internet for it. You can call me Paige. I’m 28, and just a few months ago, I was the picture-perfect bride.
A beautiful bride | Source: Midjourney
But my soulmate, whom you may call Damian, died after we said I do. They say life flashes before your eyes when you’re going to die, but our entire relationship flashed before mine as I saw him drop to the ground.
Damian and I met at a small café where I used to work part-time. He was one of those quiet, polite customers who always tipped well and read a book while drinking coffee.
A man with a book in a coffee shop | Source: Midjourney
I’d had a crush on him since I first saw him. But when he asked me out, I was shocked. He was gorgeous with his sharp cheekbones, warm hazel eyes, and quiet confidence.
I was just an average girl from a lower middle-class family, so I couldn’t believe he was interested in me. But he was, and from our first date walking on a local pier, it felt like we were meant to be.
A couple on a pier | Source: Midjourney
Just a year later, we were standing at the altar in front of our closest friends. It was the happiest day of my life. Damian couldn’t stop smiling at me as I cried while reading my vows. We were about to start the next amazing chapter of our lives together.
But that dream ended abruptly. Before the reception, while taking some pictures with friends, Damian suddenly collapsed. At first, I thought he was joking. But when he didn’t get up, I froze.
People surrounded him, and someone called 911. The paramedics worked on him right there on the dance floor, but nothing they did worked.
A man on the floor | Source: Midjourney
They rushed him to the hospital, and I followed them in a daze. A doctor came out hours later, his face grim, and told me Damian didn’t make it. They said it was a heart attack. He was only 32 years old. How does a healthy man just die like that?
I could barely hold myself together the following days. It was all a blur until the funeral when his family showed up. I’d only met them once before, and that one meeting was enough.
Damian had warned me about them but hadn’t told me everything. His adoptive parents were snobbish and controlling. But one of Damian’s friends, Adam, confessed to me that they were also filthy rich.
Two people talking closely | Source: Midjourney
“Damian didn’t tell you about his family’s wealth because he didn’t want it to affect how you saw him,” he said in a low voice.
I honestly never knew despite him telling me he had a successful business. Yet, it made sense. That also had to be why they didn’t approve of our relationship. I wasn’t from the “right” kind of family and Damian hadn’t invited them to our wedding.
But now they were here and spent the entire service throwing daggers at me with their eyes. I overheard his mother whisper to someone, “She was probably after his money and caused his death. Get our lawyer on the phone.”
An angry older couple | Source: Midjourney
I wanted to yell that I didn’t even know Damian had a lot of money, let alone want it. But what good would it do? They’d already made up their minds about me, and I just didn’t have the energy to fight anyone.
***
Three days after the funeral, I couldn’t take the grief and the emptiness anymore. My apartment felt suffocating as every corner held a memory of Damian.
The sadness was overwhelming and was giving me strange thoughts. On top of that, his family had started to call me. I never answered, but their voice messages were terrifying.
A home phone | Source: Midjourney
I needed to get away, so I threw some clothes into a small suitcase, grabbed my passport, and called a taxi. My plan wasn’t fully formed. I just knew I had to leave the city or country. Maybe I’d go to Mexico or Aruba. Anywhere that wasn’t here.
When the taxi pulled up, I climbed into the backseat and stared out the window. I barely noticed the driver as I settled into the leather and tried to breathe deeply.
“Fasten your seatbelt, please,” the driver suddenly said.
A man driving a taxi | Source: Midjourney
I froze. My chest tightened, and my heart started pounding. That voice was Damian’s. I whipped my head around and focused on the rearview mirror. Those eyes. Those unmistakable hazel eyes.
“Damian?” I croaked. “But…? How? How are you here? What?”
My words made no sense, but suddenly, he swerved the car away from the road toward the highway and parked on a quiet street. For a moment, he didn’t say anything.
A taxi near a highway | Source: Midjourney
I could see his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly like he was bracing himself for something. Then he turned around and looked right at me.
“I’m sorry, Paige,” he said softly without any preamble. “I know this is a lot to take in. I’ll explain everything. Please don’t hate me.”
I sat with wide eyes and an open mouth for the entirety of Damian’s explanation. It was too much to believe.
A woman in the backseat looking shocked | Source: Midjourney
First, he told me about his family. They adopted him as a teenager and used his brilliance to expand their shady business empire, which was failing spectacularly before him. Eventually, he became the brains behind some of their most successful (and probably illegal) ventures.
For a while, he was just glad that he had proud parents and could contribute to the family who had given him a home when no one else would. But he grew tired of the illegal things.
A teen using the computer while an older woman overlooks | Source: Midjourney
Damian knew it was only a matter of time before they were caught, and he didn’t want to be left with nothing. So, he started a legit business and grew it into such a success that he decided not to work with his family anymore.
That’s when they turned on him. They wanted to control this venture, but Damian managed to put their threats off until he met me. Well, their shady business was also failing without him.
So, they threatened to ruin me and our lives if Damian didn’t give them a piece of the cake.
An old man yelling on the phone | Source: Midjourney
“I couldn’t let them touch you,” Damian said, rubbing his face. “They would’ve destroyed you to get to me. So I did the only thing I could think of. I made them believe I was dead.”
He went on to explain how he staged everything. There’s apparently a medication that can slow your heart rate so much that it mimics death. With the help of a professional fixer who knew the right people to pay off, he faked the collapse, the hospital pronouncement, and even the funeral.
Money exchanging hands | Source: Midjourney
When I asked how he escaped his grave, Damian laughed and said he wasn’t in the coffin at all. He had to be there for the viewing service, but the fixer got his people to take him out at some point without anyone noticing.
I didn’t know what to say when he finished. Was I in a George Clooney heist movie?
“I know I hurt you,” he said as his eyes watered. “But I did it for us. I couldn’t let them win.”
My mouth opened, but nothing came out, so we stayed in that cab on that quiet road for hours without speaking, except for a few whispered, “I’m sorry.”
A man in a taxi looking sad | Source: Midjourney
Finally, when night fell, I asked him to take me home.
It was there that the dam unleashed. I spent hours yelling while he tried to justify his actions. “YOU LET ME THINK YOU WERE DEAD!” I cried out.
“I’m so sorry, baby!”
“DON’T CALL ME BABY!”
A woman yelling | Source: Midjourney
By the morning, I was all cried out, and my voice was hoarse, but I finally asked, “What now?” It wasn’t like we could go back to how things were. He was supposed to be dead. His family could easily see him here.
Damian then explained his idea for the future. By faking his death, he ensured that all his legitimately earned assets were transferred to me. His family couldn’t touch them now. All I needed to do now was to sell and split it with him.
A computer showing scanned bank statements | Source: Midjourney
But soon enough, he was moving abroad for good. I was shaking my head, still in disbelief, when he asked me something outrageous.
“I know that I hurt you terribly, but is there any way you’d want to come with me?” he asked.
I scoffed and remained quiet for a long time, but eventually, I answered.
“I can’t just pick up where we left off, even in another country,” I told him. “I’ll do whatever you need with the assets and the money, but you broke my heart. I don’t think I can trust you enough to start over. I need space.”
A woman sitting on a sofa | Source: Midjourney
He nodded seriously. “I understand. Take all the space and time you need. I have to leave later today. But I’m not giving up on us, Paige. I’ll wait for as long as it takes.”
Before Damian left, he left me his contact information and promised to check in when he could.
For the next few weeks, I was furious. I didn’t respond to his texts. But I did start arranging to sell his business and consolidate assets. That brought some trouble with his parents, who wanted to claim what Damian had left me after his “death.”
I had to see them several times in the presence of lawyers, and they were scary people.
Angry older couple in a lawyer’s office | Source: Midjourney
But there was nothing they could do legally to take anything from me, and my attorneys weren’t afraid of them. So, his parents were forced to back off, and I was free to sell what I needed.
When all was said and done, I started to see what Damian had done as the right choice. He was protecting himself and me from them. It was reckless and stupid but also selfless.
Weeks later, I realized something: I still loved him. Despite what he put me through, my heart hadn’t let go. I picked up my phone and dialed his number.
A woman in bed using a phone | Source: Midjourney
“Paige?” he answered, pleasantly surprised.
“Where are you?” I asked. “I’ll go there, but never do that to me again.”
And that was it. Now, I’m in another country where they speak an entirely different language, but the beach is 30 minutes away.
I had to give up everything, and it was worth it. Damian and I had another wedding and actually got to enjoy it this time. His parents won’t ever find us, and we’re living our best life.
A woman on the beach with a man behind her | Source: Midjourney
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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