I’m a full-time mom. About a year ago, I left my job to take care of our three-year-old daughter, who is autistic and requires a lot of support. Lately, I’ve noticed that my usually feminist husband has been criticizing me in a group chat.
Transitioning into the role of a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) wasn’t something I had envisioned for myself. I used to thrive in the fast-paced world of marketing, surrounded by campaigns and fueled by brainstorming sessions over coffee. But all that changed a little over a year ago when my husband, Jake, and I made a significant decision. Our daughter, Lily, who is three and autistic, needed more attention than what her daycare could provide. Her needs are complex, requiring constant care and support, and it became clear that one of us had to be with her full-time.
I won’t sugarcoat it — leaving my career behind was one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever made. I miss the freedom of earning my own income and the satisfaction of a job well done. But here I am now, spending my days planning meals, cooking, and baking. I’ve found joy in these tasks, and experimenting in the kitchen has become my new creative outlet.
Our backyard has turned into a small garden oasis under my care, and I take care of most of the household chores. Jake does his fair share too; he’s actively involved in chores and parenting whenever he’s at home. We’ve always considered ourselves equals, rejecting traditional gender roles, or so I thought until last week.
It was a regular Thursday, and I was tidying up Jake’s home office while he was at work. It’s filled with tech gadgets and piles of paperwork, typical for someone in software development. His computer screen caught my eye — it was still on, casting a soft glow in the dim room. He usually left it on by accident, but what I saw next wasn’t accidental at all.
His Twitter feed was open, and I froze when I saw the hashtag #tradwife attached to a tweet. Confusion washed over me as I read the post. It glorified the joys of having a traditional wife who embraces her domestic duties. Attached was a photo of me, taking a batch of cookies out of the oven, looking every bit like a 1950s housewife. My stomach churned as I scrolled through more posts. There I was again, tending to the garden and reading to Lily, our faces thankfully obscured.
This was Jake’s account, and he had been crafting a whole narrative about our life that was far from reality. He portrayed me as a woman who relished her role as a homemaker, willingly sacrificing her career for aprons and storybooks. The truth of our situation — that this arrangement was a necessity for our daughter’s well-being — was nowhere to be seen.
I felt betrayed. Here was the man I’d loved and trusted for over a decade, sharing our life with strangers under a false pretense that felt foreign to me. It wasn’t just the lies about our relationship dynamics that hurt — it was also the realization that he was using these glimpses of our life to bolster some online persona.
I shut the computer down, my hands trembling with a mix of anger and bewilderment. All day, I grappled with my emotions, trying to comprehend why Jake would do this. Was he dissatisfied with our situation? Did he resent my decision to stay home? Or was it something deeper, a shift in how he perceived me now that I wasn’t contributing financially?
The rest of the day passed in a blur. His posts kept replaying in my mind, and eventually, I couldn’t ignore them any longer. I decided to call him and address everything head-on.
“Jake, we need to talk,” I finally said, trying to keep my voice steady.
He answered, sounding concerned. “What’s wrong?”
I took a deep breath, the weight of my discovery weighing heavily on me. “I saw your Twitter today…”
His expression fell, and he let out a long sigh, indicating he knew exactly what this conversation was about to entail. He started to respond, but I interrupted him.
“Calm down,” he said, dismissing it as “just harmless posting.” That was the final straw. I told him I wanted a divorce, called him out for his deceit, and ended the call.
Jake rushed home immediately. We argued, but with Lily’s strict schedule, I couldn’t let the conflict drag on. He pleaded with me to have a proper conversation after putting Lily to bed. Reluctantly, I agreed. That night, he showed me his phone, revealing that he had deleted the Twitter account. But the damage was already done.
A week passed, and my anger hadn’t subsided. This wasn’t a simple misunderstanding. It was a breach of trust. Jake attempted to explain, claiming it started as a joke, but he got carried away with the attention it garnered. But excuses weren’t enough.
Motivated by a mix of hurt and the need for justice, I decided to expose him. I took screenshots of his tweets and shared them on my Facebook page. I wanted our friends and family to know the truth. My post was straightforward: “Your husband belittles you in front of his friends behind your back. Sound familiar?”
The response was immediate. Our relatives were shocked, and the comments poured in. Jake was inundated with messages and calls. He left work early once more to beg for my forgiveness. He knelt, tears in his eyes, pleading that it was all just a “silly game.”
But I couldn’t let it go. The trust that bound us together was broken. It wasn’t just about a few misguided posts; it was about the respect and understanding we were supposed to have for each other. I told him I needed time and space to think and heal. I moved out with Lily to another apartment.
For six months, Jake begged for forgiveness. He sent messages, left voicemails, and made small gestures to show he was sorry. But sorry wasn’t enough. I told him that if he truly wanted to make amends, we needed to start anew. In my eyes, we were strangers now, and he had to court me like he did years ago when we first met.
So, we began again, slowly. We went on dates, starting with coffee and progressing to dinners. We talked a lot — about everything except the past. It was like rediscovering ourselves individually and as a couple. Jake was patient, perhaps realizing this was his last chance to salvage our once-loving relationship.
As I sit here now, reflecting on the past year, I realize how much I’ve changed. This betrayal forced me to reevaluate not only my marriage but also myself and my needs. I’ve learned that forgiveness isn’t just about accepting an apology; it’s about feeling secure and valued again. It’s a gradual process, one that we’re both committed to, step by step.
What would you have done if you were in my shoes? Share your thoughts on Facebook.
‘I Always Describe It as This Angel That Fell Out of the Sky’: All about Mariska Hargitay’s 3 Children
Mariska Hargitay’s journey to motherhood is truly inspiring. Known for her iconic role on “Law & Order: SVU,” her real-life story revolves around love, resilience, and the joy of raising three children. The actress’s path to building a family is filled with unexpected blessings and deep gratitude.
Mariska Hargitay’s journey into motherhood began in her early 40s when she gave birth to her first child. Despite the challenges of being a first-time mother later in life, she wholeheartedly and joyfully embraced motherhood.
Her family grew when she and her husband, actor Peter Hermann, welcomed two more children within a year. Each child brought unique blessings into their lives, and Mariska cherishes the unexpected path that led her to become a mother of three.
Long before becoming a mother, Mariska always envisioned having her own family. From a young age, she knew motherhood was part of her life plans, a desire deeply rooted in her own upbringing.
A Childhood of Glitz and Heartbreak: The Early Life of Mariska Hargitay
Mariska is an actress, who added producing and directing to her list of talents. She was born to the glamorous actress Jayne Mansfield and the former Mr. Universe Mickey Hargitay on January 23, 1964.
Being born into Hollywood royalty, Mariska’s early life was surrounded by fame and glitz. This set a unique backdrop for her childhood. However, her early years were also marked by tragedy.
When Mariska was just three years old, her mother died in a car accident on June 29, 1967. This loss left a lasting scar on the actress, both physically and emotionally.
The actress expressed, “I clearly was in that frozen place for a lot of my childhood—of trying to survive, actually trying to survive. My life has been a process of unpeeling the layers and trust and trusting again.”
Despite this tragic beginning, Mariska’s parents’ legacy played a significant role in shaping her character. Her father, Mickey, raised her with discipline and love, teaching her the importance of hard work and resilience.
He ensured she had a normal upbringing. Mariska joined the swim team, ran cross-country, played volleyball, and by 1982, she was crowned Miss Beverly Hills. Despite her accomplishments, she was always aware of the darker side of life.
The actress later explained that she learned about crisis early and realized that life offers no guarantees, but we must keep moving forward and transform our experiences.
She considers this ability to be her superpower and sees it as a gift from experiencing trauma early in life. Despite these challenges, Mariska went on to live a full and fulfilling life.
Embracing Motherhood: Mariska’s Journey from Daughter to Mom
For Mariska, 2004 marked the beginning of a new phase in her life. That year, she married Peter, and on June 28, 2006, the actress welcomed her first child, August Miklos Friedrich Hermann, at 42.
Starting this journey into motherhood was easy for Mariska as she knew from a young age that she was meant for it. Despite losing her mother, she never lacked a maternal figure in her life. The actress was raised by her father’s third wife, Ellen Siano Hargitay, who never made her feel like an outsider.
Mariska reminisced, “I called her Mom. She really claimed us. She never had biological kids of her own, and to this day we are her kids. So we were blessed that she really embraced us and loved us so quickly. And I was very fortunate to have a maternal figure in my life after such a horrific accident.”
Additionally, while Ellen’s motherly act prepared Mariska for being a mom, it also stirred in her the desire to have children by other means. The actress had grown up realizing that being a mother did not have to be biological.
A Dream Fulfilled: The Adoption of Amaya Josephine
After a few years of becoming parents, Mariska and Peter, who came from big families, decided it was time to expand theirs. They were also not the only ones clamoring for more kids around the house. Their son August also wanted siblings.
However, the actress was over 40, and at her age at the time, pregnancies were never easy. Knowing she and her husband had so much love to give, Mariska was hopeful. She said, “I was really letting the chips fall as they might, because I do think so much is up to God.”
Mariska didn’t know how she was going to have more children, but she knew it was something that would happen. The actress remarked, “I always said, ‘I don’t know how this is going to end up. I don’t know if I’m going to get pregnant and have twins.’”
Despite having no clue, there was something she was sure of, and that was adoption. She recalled not knowing if someone would leave a baby on her doorstep. Nevertheless, she said, “But I really did think that down the line, Peter and I would adopt a child. That was always part of the plan.”
In early April 2011, Mariska and Peter’s plan came to fruition as they welcomed their second child, Amaya Josephine Hermann. Their daughter had been born in the United States about a week before her adoption.
As soon as the couple decided to adopt, they did not limit themselves as they considered international and domestic adoption. Mariska revealed they had talked about the idea of mixed-race adoptions, and were excited to become a multi-racial family.
The actress’s excitement began even before Amaya joined the family. Mariska had revealed, “I’m deliriously happy. From the minute she was born, she was just surprisingly alert and so full of love.”
The second time Mother was not alone in her excitement. August, who was less than five at the time, was also happy to have a baby sister. His Mom disclosed, “He is over the moon. He calls her his baby because he says the whole thing was his idea. He always talks about how he’s going to protect her. He’s going to be a great big brother.”
A Brother’s Dream: The Joyous Arrival of Andrew Nicolas
August, who prided himself as a big brother, was very hands-on in his sister’s life. He reportedly even participated in picking out her name. However, seeing as he thought it was his idea for her to join the family, he wanted yet another sibling.
Six months after Amaya came home as a newborn, August’s wish was fulfilled as he welcomed his baby brother, Andrew Nicolas Hermann, in October 2011. This time, Andrew was not a newborn, as he had been born in the summer of that year.
Mariska noted, “August thinks this was all his idea! He said, ‘I want a baby sister,’ and Amaya came. Then he said, ‘I want a baby brother,’ and Andrew came. August is feeling pretty good and pretty powerful!”
While August Miklos Friedrich Hermann felt powerful, Mariska was feeling a range of positive emotions. She said, “We adopted Amaya, and Andrew, I always describe it as this angel that fell out of the sky, because he was a little unexpected. [sic]”
Andrew Nicolas, Peter Hermann, and Mariska Hargitay at the ceremony honoring Mariska Hargitay with a Star on The Hollywood Walk of Fame on November 8, 2013, in Hollywood. | Source: Getty Images
The adoption of Andrew was not something Peter and Mariska had planned for at the time it happened. The couple had initially planned to adopt another baby a year or more after Amaya joined their household.
However, things happened differently. The actress revealed that their lawyer suddenly called them to inform them about Andrew. Their lawyer noted that it was an amazing opportunity, and the couple, in that moment, had never been more sure about having him in their lives.
The swiftness and timing of Andrew joining their family makes the actress believe her son “fell out of the sky.” Nevertheless, Mariska knows that it’s not an easy journey.
She once remarked, “I’m not gonna lie, there were wrenching moments. I say to everybody, ‘Adoption is not for the faint of heart.’” But, on some days, the actress feels like she’s living in a dream world. She said, “I just sit and pinch myself.”
Mariska Hargitay with Amaya, Andrew, and August at The Children’s Museum Of The East End 5th Annual Family Fair on July 20, 2013, in Bridgehampton, New York. | Source: Getty Images
Family and Fulfillment: Mariska Hargitay on Life as a Mother of Three
At 47, Mariska, who initially didn’t think it was possible to love more than one kid, had become a mom of three. She said, “You know you have one kid, and then you think, oh my gosh, I’ll never love another kid, and then the second one comes, and you can’t believe that you love them, and then the third one fell out of sky.”
Becoming a mother did not only teach Mariska about her capacity to love, it did more. She noted, “Becoming a parent erased many of my negative childhood feelings and filled them in with something new,” some of which include trying out new cultures when it comes to their cuisines.
The actress is not the only one to have spoken to the media about their family of five. Peter Hermann’s love for his family is always evident even though gets private about their kids. However, he expressed his thoughts on the unconventional manner in which their family grew.
The actor divulged, “It’s funny, I always get so private about our kids, but I think that the easiest way or the easiest answer is we just wanted a bigger family and we feel incredibly blessed.”
In 2018, Mariska also opened up about her life with the kids as she graced the cover of People’s magazine. She said, “The thing that’s made me a better parent is my kids. Because they taught me to really listen. My husband is my North Star, and my kids are my teachers.”
Not only did they make her a better parent, they also gave her something perfect in life. The actress revealed, “Our family is so perfect, or at least perfect for me. Together we’re just this whole, happy, joyful, chaotic, crazy unit. I’ve never known anything that was more right.”
Despite having a crazy and chaotic unit, Mariska and Peter work together to get the results they desire. Even though they have different parenting styles, the couple complement each other, with the actress revealing that her husband knows everything she doesn’t know.
Shortly before turning 60 in 2024, Mariska reflected on her life’s journey, career, motherhood, and more. The actress had countless reasons to be thankful.
Peter Hermann and Mariska Hargitay with their children, August, Andrew, and Amaya at the 2023 Stuttering Association For The Young (SAY) Benefit Gala on May 22, 2023, in New York City. | Source: Getty Images
One of the things Mariska was thankful for was the timing when she started her family. She said, “I’m so grateful that I’m an older mom. Grateful that I became successful older. I don’t know if I could have handled it when I was younger.”
The actress then compared what she was like in her younger days. She remembered that in her younger years, she struggled to be present, but as she got older, she learned to accept and appreciate life more deeply.
She noted, “And now I’m going to savor this moment. I want to share my lessons and where there is pain that I can fix that really inspires me to lighten the load.”
Mariska’s journey shows her strength and love. Starting her family in her early 40s, she faced the challenges and joys of raising three children with Peter. Their story is full of unexpected blessings and deep gratitude. As she cherishes her family, Mariska inspires us to embrace life’s surprises and the power of love at any age.
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