My husband and I were meant to be a team when we welcomed our first child, but he turned on me. Recently, I experienced one of the most embarrassing and eye-opening moments of my life. Let me backtrack a bit. My husband, Jake, 29, and I welcomed our beautiful daughter, Tilly, three weeks ago.
Whenever I ask Tilly’s father for help, he says, “Let me relax; my paternity leave is so short.” I’ve struggled alone with sleepless nights, and things went too far last Saturday during a family gathering. As the party progressed, Jake was busy telling everyone, “I needed this paternity leave because I couldn’t imagine how much more exhausted I would have been working AND taking care of the baby.”
Exhausted, I fainted right there in the middle of the party. I awoke to concerned family members and Jake’s frown. He later exploded at home, annoyed that I embarrassed him, accusing me of making him “look bad!”
Just as I was about to leave for my mom’s place, my in-laws arrived with a professional nanny they had hired. “She’s here to help with the baby and to teach Jake about caring for her,” my MIL explained. They also insisted I go on a spa retreat for a week.
Overwhelmed by their kindness, I immediately agreed. The week was blissful and helped me recover. Back home, the changes were remarkable! The nanny had put Jake through a rigorous “baby boot camp.” He learned to change diapers, cook baby meals, soothe a crying baby, and manage a sleep schedule. Jake greeted me with a heartfelt apology, having sold his vintage guitars to pay for the nanny and my retreat, showing his commitment to our family.
Why Do Married Couples in Japan Sleep Separately
Smaller houses and apartments don’t stop many Japanese couples from sleeping in different beds or even rooms. This is not some kind of an intimate issue or problem with the relationship, but something that they believe is good for them.
We at Bright Side found out why married couples in Japan choose to sleep separately, and we really like their reasons.
They have different sleep schedules.
The first thing that makes Japanese couples decide to go to bed separately is different work schedules. Waking up your significant other just because you got home late from work or have to leave early won’t result in good quality rest for them. This is why spending the night in a different room makes sense. This will give them both an undisturbed and healthier sleep.
Babies sleep with their mothers.
Japanese mothers sleep with their children and this is considered very important, so the father needs to decide if he wants to share the same bed or go to a different room. Even science has proven that co-sleeping can help parents and children get a more restful sleep. It helps the child to maintain a stable temperature and heart rate (which is really critical in infancy) and at the same time, it decreases the chance of sudden infant death syndrome. Also, this contributes to the child having better self-esteem, becoming independent faster, and doing great in school.
For them, sleeping separately means peace.
While many couples who start to sleep alone think that divorce is at their door, the Japanese see it differently. They value their sleep a lot and they don’t want to be disturbed while sleeping. This means that they don’t need and don’t like to put up with snoring, restless sleep, kicking, etc. Even though some don’t have the opportunity to sleep in different rooms, they still wish they could get their beauty sleep.
Couples have a history of sleeping separately.
Futons are filled with cotton, which provides support and comfort. In the past, only single sized ones were used as beds. So, even if you wanted to cuddle up with your loved one, you would have ended up between the sheets, on the cold floor, and you wouldn’t feel comfortable. Today there are families that still use this type of bedding, especially because it doesn’t take up a lot of space and it is easy to store.
Do you sleep separately from your partner? Do you think this type of practice might be even better for your relationship?
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