Navigating changes in a relationship, particularly those related to physical appearance, can be a delicate and emotional journey. A Bright Side reader is having a hard time after his wife underwent plastic surgery. He shared a letter with us seeking our advice.
He shared his side of the story.
Here are some tips that we believe can help you.
- Reflect on Your Feelings: Take some time to reflect on your feelings and understand why the changes in your wife’s appearance are affecting you. Are your concerns purely aesthetic, or do they come from deeper emotional reasons? Understanding your own feelings will help you communicate more effectively with your wife.
- Communicate Honestly and Compassionately: Approach the topic with empathy and compassion. Let your wife know that you love her deeply and that your concerns come from a place of care. Use «I» statements to express your feelings without placing blame.
- Focus on Emotions, Not Criticism: Avoid criticizing your wife’s appearance directly. Instead, focus on expressing how the changes make you feel. For example, you might say, «I miss the unique features that made you who you are,» rather than, «You don’t look like yourself anymore.»
- Reassure Her of Your Love: Make sure your wife knows that your love for her goes beyond physical appearance. Reassure her that you’re committed to supporting her through any challenges she faces, including those related to self-image.
- Encourage Open Dialogue: Encourage open and honest communication between the two of you. Create a safe space where both of you feel comfortable expressing your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.
- Seek Professional Help If Needed: If you find it difficult to navigate these conversations on your own, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor. A professional can provide guidance and support as you work through your feelings together.
- Focus on Shared Activities: Spend quality time together engaging in activities that you both enjoy. Focus on building emotional intimacy and strengthening your bond as a couple.
- Support Her Self-Esteem: Encourage your wife to focus on aspects of herself that she feels confident about, aside from her appearance. Remind her of her strengths and accomplishments.
- Be Patient and Understanding: Remember that adjusting to changes in appearance can be a complex process, and it may take time for both of you to adapt. Be patient with each other and offer support along the way.
- Explore Ways to Reconnect: Find ways to reconnect as a couple and reignite the spark in your relationship. Whether it’s through shared hobbies, romantic gestures, or simply spending quality time together, prioritize nurturing your connection.
By approaching the situation with empathy, understanding, and open communication, you can navigate this challenging time with grace and compassion.
My Wedding Planner Said I Canceled My Own Wedding but I Didn’t – The Truth Left Me Speechless
My Wedding Planner Said I Canceled My Own Wedding but I Didn’t – The Truth Left Me Speechless
Chelsea is all set to marry Rasmus, the man of her dreams. But when the wedding day arrives and no guests show up, Chelsea has to figure out who canceled her wedding and whether her groom is right for her or not.
A coffee bar and bakery | Source: Pexels
I’ve always wanted that ‘Happily Ever After’ kind of romantic life. So, when I met Rasmus, I thought I had finally gotten it. But as my wedding day began to unravel, it seemed I had gotten the nightmare version instead.
Rasmus and I met at a bakery. It was a sweet little meet-cute situation — where I was convinced he was the perfect person for me. We exchanged numbers over rye bread.
“I’ll be seeing you around, Chelsea,” he said, holding onto a loaf of artisanal bread.
He called me just as he left the bakery, wanting us to have dinner that night.
Two short years later, we were waking up to our wedding day.
That morning, I showered early, eagerly awaiting my hair and makeup appointments. I remember sitting at the edge of the hotel bed, looking at my dress and holding my breath.
I couldn’t wait to marry Rasmus. I couldn’t wait to begin our lives together.
A person pouring wine at a restaurant | Source: Pexels
So, the day went on — my maid of honor, my sister Jess, was with me, and we continued to get ready.
“Where’s Mom?” Jess asked. “Shouldn’t she be getting dressed with us?”
“No, we decided it would be best for her and Dad to meet us at the venue. You know she doesn’t get along with Rasmus.”
Jess shook her head.
“You’d think that Mom would have sorted out her feelings by now.”
It was true, my parents loved me — but they just couldn’t see Rasmus and me together.
Bride getting her makeup done | Source: Unsplash
“There’s just something off about him,” my father would say. “But we respect your wishes to marry him.”
Closer to the time, Jess called for the hotel car, and we made our way to the wedding venue.
“Where is everyone?” Jess asked, echoing my thoughts.
It was an entire wedding venue with literally not a soul in sight. There was no welcome sign for the guests, no welcome drinks, no décor, no staff, and absolutely no guests.
Not even Rasmus.
“Get Brenda on the phone,” I said, talking about my wedding planner.
An empty wedding venue | Source: Pexels
I was beginning to panic. I was all dressed and ready to go. It was supposed to be my special day.
“Brenda, where is everyone?” I asked when Jess handed me the phone.
“What do you mean?” Brenda’s calm voice came through the speaker.
“I’m at my wedding venue, and there’s nobody here!” I exclaimed, the panic evident in my voice.
“Chelsea, honey,” Brenda said. “The wedding was canceled. The directive came through your email address just three days ago.”
My heart almost stopped beating.
A person using a laptop | Source: Pexels
How could I have canceled my own wedding? I went through my emails, and sure enough, there it was.
Dear Brenda,
Due to unforeseen circumstances, the wedding is off. Please notify all the guests and the vendors.
But it made no sense. It was from my corporate account — an account that my family had access to because we all worked at the family business together.
My mind raced — did Mom and Dad? Could they really…? No, they couldn’t have.
They always said that it was my life and my choices. Even if they didn’t approve of Rasmus, they wouldn’t hurt me like this.
I needed to hear it from them.
An older couple holding white ceramic mugs | Source: Pexels
But my parents were just as shocked as I was.
“We were on a flight, honey,” my father said. “I had a business meeting, and your mother tagged along with me. We had nothing to do with it. We did get the cancellation from Brenda and just wanted to give you your space.”
“I didn’t see any email,” Jess said. “But you know how bad I am at checking my mail.”
That’s when it hit me — the only other person who would have access to my email accounts, work and personal, was Rasmus.
The same man who was supposed to be waiting for me at the other end of the aisle.
I asked Jess to take me home, ready for answers. I needed to know what was happening and how it all unfolded without my knowledge.
A man with a gray t-shirt and arms crossed | Source: Unsplash
I walked into our little apartment, and there he was. Rasmus, sitting on the couch eating a bowl of cereal. He had no intention of leaving the house because he was in his sweatpants, wearing glasses, and his hair was wavy.
His usual armor of being well-dressed, contacts in, and hair swept into his signature hairstyle was all missing.
A bowl of cereal | Source: Pexels
“You canceled our wedding?” I asked before he could say anything.
Rasmus didn’t even try to hide it. He had canceled the wedding because, three days ago, he realized that as much as he loved me, he wasn’t ready for marriage.
So, he panicked.
“I didn’t have the courage to tell you,” he said. “I figured that you’d think the wedding was on, and then when the slip-up happened, you would want to investigate it. I thought it would take the heat off me.”
As I stood there, my wedding day in ruins around me, I realized that my parents were right. Rasmus wasn’t the person for me. And as much as it hurt, a part of me was relieved he did it.
So, here I am, looking at my wedding dress and wondering what to do with it.
A woman holding her head | Source: Unsplash
What would you have done?
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