Who brings their parents to a first date? My boyfriend from a dating app did. But what really got me was the list of OUTRAGEOUS DEMANDS his parents brought with them. I knew I’d have to outwit them… but on my own terms.
When I virtually met Jacob on a dating site several months ago, we hit it off instantly. The connection felt real — the kind that makes your heart skip a beat when you see a new message notification. I grew to think that he was “the one,” but then when we actually met… well, let’s just say reality has a way of shattering our perfectly crafted illusions.
A woman holding a phone | Source: Unsplash
Three months of late-night texts and hour-long video calls had built up to this moment. Jacob wasn’t just another match; he was different.
While most guys led with cheesy pickup lines or bland “hey” messages, he had caught my attention with a detailed comment about my profile photo taken at Comic-Con.
“Is that a handmade Scarlet Witch costume?” he’d written. “The detail work is incredible!”
From there, our conversations flowed naturally. He listened, really listened, when I talked about my work as a graphic designer and my dreams of starting my own studio.
A woman using a computer | Source: Midjourney
He shared my love for true crime podcasts and could quote every episode of my favorite shows by heart. When I mentioned my sister’s battle with depression, he opened up about his own experiences with anxiety.
“I feel like I can tell you anything,” he’d said during one of our video calls, his warm brown eyes crinkling at the corners. “I’ve never connected with someone like this before.”
“Me neither,” I’d admitted, feeling my cheeks flush. “Sometimes I worry this is too good to be true.”
He’d laughed then, running a hand through his dark hair. “I can’t wait to finally meet you in person. Friday at Coffee Beanz? 7 p.m.?”
A man using a laptop | Source: Pexels
“It’s a date! Finally!” I’d chirped, unable to contain my excitement.
“See you on Friday!” He said as I hung up, blushing.
I spent the entire week planning my outfit, finally settling on a gorgeous dress that my best friend Sarah insisted brought out my eyes.
“He won’t know what hit him,” she’d said, helping me style my hair.
Friday evening found me standing outside Coffee Beanz, smoothing down my dress for the hundredth time. Through the window, I could see couples enjoying their meals, soft candlelight flickering across their faces.
People in a cafe | Source: Unsplash
My hands were shaking slightly as I pushed open the heavy wooden door, the warm aroma of garlic and fresh bread enveloping me. My eyes nervously darted around in search of Jacob.
“Lia! Over here!”
I turned toward Jacob’s familiar voice, my practiced smile freezing on my face. There he sat, but not ALONE.
An older couple sat beside him, their faces beaming with smiles. My heart, which had been filled with excitement all day, sank to my stomach.
“Hey… um, hi, what’s going on?” I managed, my brain struggling to process the scene before me.
A shocked woman | Source: Pexels
Jacob stood up, his bright smile unchanged as if this was completely normal. “Lia, I’m so excited to finally meet you! These are my parents, Linda and Patrick!”
Linda, a petite woman with perfectly coiffed gray hair and gold earrings that probably cost more than my monthly rent, gave me a practiced smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Patrick, sporting a dress shirt that seemed a size too small for his frame, barely looked up from his menu.
“Sit down, girl,” Linda patted the chair next to her, not next to Jacob. “While we wait for our appetizers, I have a few questions for you.”
An older lady smiling | Source: Midjourney
I sank into the chair, still trying to make sense of this ambush. The waiter appeared with water glasses, and I found myself wishing it was something stronger.
That’s when Linda pulled out a crisp sheet of paper from her designer handbag.
“Now then,” she cleared her throat, clicking her gold-plated pen. “I’ve prepared a brief questionnaire to help us get to know you better. I want you to fill it out.”
Sheets of paper on a table | Source: Pexels
My eyes scanned the paper she placed before me, each question worse than the last:
1. What is your current annual income and five-year career projection?
2. Please list any medical conditions, including a family history of genetic disorders.
3. How many romantic partners have you had, and what were the reasons for those relationships ending?
4. Do you own or lease your vehicle? What is your credit score?
5. Are you willing to sign a prenuptial agreement?
6. Do you plan to work after having children? If so, who will provide childcare?
7. What is your stance on living with in-laws?
8. Are you willing to host special occasions like Thanksgiving & Christmas every year without expecting a penny from your partner?
A startled woman covering her mouth | Source: Pexels
The questions went on and on like a never-ending train carriage. My water glass stopped halfway to my mouth. “I’m sorry, but is this for real?”
“Of course it is, dear,” Linda replied, her tone suggesting I was being deliberately difficult. “Our family has certain standards to maintain. We need to ensure any potential partners for our Jacob are… suitable.”
My eyes darted to Jacob, waiting for him to jump in, to say this was all a joke. But he just sat there, examining his napkin as if it held the secrets of the universe.
A man sitting casually | Source: Midjourney
Something snapped inside me. Three months of building this connection, sharing hopes and fears, only to be treated like a job applicant? No. This called for a different approach.
“Would you excuse me for just a moment?” I smiled sweetly. “Ladies’ room.”
Instead of heading to the restroom, I ducked into the convenience store next door. Five minutes later, I returned with my own notebook and pen.
“Before I answer your questions,” I said, sitting down with renewed confidence, “I have a few of my own.”
A woman holding a piece of paper | Source: Pexels
Linda’s perfectly plucked eyebrows shot up in surprise as I placed the paper with my questions on the table. She picked it up and began reading loudly, her face speaking volumes of her anger.
“Question one: At what point did you realize your son wasn’t capable of choosing his own partner?”
Patricks’s face reddened. Jacob finally looked up from his napkin.
“Question two: How many women have actually completed your interrogation process? Or do most run screaming before the credit check?”
“This is completely inappropriate!” Linda’s voice pitched higher as she continued to read.
A furious older woman with a man | Source: Midjourney
“Question three: Do you also inspect their teeth like show horses, or is that saved for the second date?”
“Question four: When Jacob moves out of your basement, will you be requiring his future wife to submit weekly progress reports?”
“Question five: Have you considered therapy for your control issues, or is that too personal a question?”
“That’s enough!” Jacob slammed his hand on the table, making the silverware jump. “You have no right to disrespect my family like this!”
An angry man | Source: Midjourney
I leaned back, crossing my arms. “Oh, but they have every right to treat me like I’m applying for a position at the FBI?”
“My parents are just looking out for me,” he protested, his voice weak. “They want what’s best— “
“No, Jacob. What’s best for you would be growing a backbone and living your own life.”
Linda and Patrick were already gathering their things, faces flushed with indignation. Linda’s hands shook as she stuffed her questionnaire back into her bag.
“We’re leaving,” she announced. “Jacob, come on. She’s not the one for you.”
“Wait!” I called out, loud enough for nearby tables to turn. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
Side shot of a woman | Source: Midjourney
They paused. “WHAT??”
“Waiter, these people are trying to leave without paying their bill!” I announced loudly, waving to the waiter. “Guess running out on checks is another proud family tradition!”
The restaurant had gone quiet. Linda’s hands shook as she pulled out her credit card, practically throwing it at the waiter. I stood up, smoothing my dress once again.
“Well, this has been entertaining. I’ll cover my water.” I placed a five-dollar bill on the table and turned to Jacob.
“Good luck finding someone who meets your family’s rigorous standards. Although, you might want to try job recruitment sites instead of dating apps. I hear they provide detailed background checks and references.”
A woman laughing | Source: Midjourney
As I walked out into the cool evening air, my phone buzzed with a message from Jacob, “You didn’t have to be so cruel. My parents were just looking out for me.”
I typed back, “Just looking out for myself, mama’s boy. Goodbye!”
Later that night, Sarah called to hear about the date. After I finished telling her everything, she was quiet for a moment.
“You know what?” she finally said. “I bet Linda has a spreadsheet ranking all of Jacob’s potential wives.”
We both burst out laughing, and I felt the last of my disappointment melt away. Dodged a bullet? Absolutely. And I’ve never been so grateful for a red flag wrapped in a questionnaire.
A woman walking away | Source: Midjourney
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
My SIL Gave Me a Garden Gnome for My Birthday – Days Later, a Lady Claimed It Was Stolen from Her Garden
My sister-in-law Emily’s birthday gift, an ugly garden gnome, seemed harmless enough. But three days later, a furious stranger showed up at my door, accusing me of stealing and demanding the return of her beloved “Rupert.” What did Emily do?!
I never thought I’d be posting here about a garden gnome that changed my life, but here we are.
It all started on my birthday. I’d been dreading the party for weeks, knowing my sister-in-law, Emily, would find some way to make it about her.
But even worse was that she acted like an idiot who had no idea she was doing anything wrong.
Woman with a silly expression | Source: Pexels
This year, I was determined to have a drama-free celebration. I spent the whole day decorating the backyard, hanging fairy lights, and arranging flowers.
My husband, David, was manning the grill.
As guests started arriving, I was constantly glancing at the gate, waiting for Emily’s grand entrance. She didn’t disappoint.
Two women at a decorated yard | Source: Pexels
Two hours late, she sashayed into the backyard like she owned the place, wearing six-inch heels that sank into the grass with every step.
But it wasn’t her fashionably late arrival that made me frown. It was what she was carrying: the gaudiest, most enormous garden gnome I’d ever seen.
“Happy birthday, Sarah!” Emily trilled, air-kissing my cheeks. “I hope you like your gift. It’s absolutely perfect for your… quaint little garden.”
Woman leaning againts a white fence | Source: Pexels
I stood there, speechless, as she thrust the monstrosity into my arms.
The gnome was at least two feet tall, painted in eye-searing colors, with a crack running down its side. It looked like something that had escaped from a tacky lawn ornament factory.
Did she think I was an old woman?
“Oh, wow,” I managed to stammer. “That’s… quite something, Emily. Thank you.”
A woman with a serious expression | Source: Pexels
Emily beamed, clearly pleased with herself. “I knew you’d love it. Now, where shall we put it? I think it would look fabulous over there by the rose bushes.”
I glanced at the spot she indicated and tried to imagine this eyesore among my carefully tended flowers. No way was that happening.
“Actually,” I said, “I think I’d like to put it in the front yard. That way, everyone can see it when they drive by.”
Home front | Source: Pexels
Emily’s smile tightened. “Oh, but,” she insisted, “I THINK IT WOULD LOOK BETTER IN THE BACKYARD. Don’t you agree, David?”
My husband held up his hands. “It’s Sarah’s gift. Isn’t it? She can put it wherever she likes.”
Emily’s nostrils flared, but she quickly composed herself. “Well, of course. It’s your decision. I just thought it would tie the whole backyard together so nicely.”
Home backyard | Source: Pexels
“Thank you for the suggestion,” I said, “but I’ve made up my mind.”
As Emily stalked off to the refreshment table, I caught David’s eye. He gave me a subtle thumbs-up, and I felt a small surge of pride.
For once, I hadn’t let Emily’s passive-aggressive tactics get the better of me. Yes, I tended to get angry and make a scene at her crazy actions.
Two women at a backyard party | Source: Pexels
The rest of the party passed happily, but I couldn’t help noticing Emily’s occasional glances at the gnome. Is it going to explode or something?
By twilight, the last guest finally left, and I breathed a sigh of relief. For once, Emily hadn’t managed to make everything about her, and we were able to host a normal party.
The next morning, I lugged the gnome out to the front yard. Despite its garish appearance, I had to admit it had a certain charm.
A garden gnome | Source: Pexels
I positioned it near the mailbox and went back inside.
For the next few days, I actually grew fond of the gnome. I even found myself smiling at it as I collected the mail or watered the front flowerbeds.
But on the third day after my birthday, everything changed.
I was just settling down with a cup of afternoon coffee when an aggressive knock startled me. Frowning, I went to answer the door.
A woman on a couch drinking coffee and using a laptop | Source: Pexels
A woman I’d never seen before stood on my porch, and she was red-faced and fuming.
“Can I help you?” I asked, confused.
The woman jabbed a finger at me. “YOU’RE A THIEF!” she shouted. “YOU STOLE THAT GNOME FROM MY YARD! IT’S MINE, IT EVEN HAS A CRACK ON IT! I CAN SHOW YOU A PHOTO TO PROVE IT!”
An older woman pointing her finger in accusation | Source: Midjourney
I WAS MORTIFIED. What had Emily done?!
“I… what? No, I didn’t steal anything! That gnome was a birthday gift from my sister-in-law.”
The woman’s eyes narrowed. “Oh sure! I want it back, now, or I’m calling the police!”
My face burned. “Please, there’s been some kind of misunderstanding. Let me call my sister-in-law. She can explain where she got it.”
A shocked woman | Source: Pexels
With trembling, angry fingers, I dialed Emily’s number. “Emily? It’s Sarah. I need you to come over right away. Don’t ask why, just please hurry.”
Twenty maddening minutes later, Emily’s car pulled into the driveway. When she saw the woman, SHE IMMEDIATELY turned pale. The look on her face told me everything I needed to know.
“Emily,” I said, trying to restrain my anger, “this woman says the gnome you gave me was stolen from her yard. Care to explain?”
“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Emily stuttered. “I bought that gnome fair and square.”
A woman with her arms crossed | Source: Pexels
The woman snorted. “Oh really? Then you won’t mind showing us the receipt, or do you want me to call the police?”
Emily’s eyes widened. “Okay, fine!” she said, raising her hands in surrender. “I… I didn’t exactly buy it from a store.”
“Then where did you get it, Emily?” I said through tight lips. I was barely holding it together.
“Fine!” Emily threw her arms in the air. “That day, I was almost here when I remembered that I didn’t buy you anything. I saw the garden gnome in her yard. They had a tall fence, though. Then, some homeless man passed by, so I paid him $20 to get it for me…”
A house with a blue fence | Source: Pexels
A heavy silence fell over my porch.
I closed my eyes. This was so like her!
“… and I drove off quickly when I saw her coming out of the house,” Emily continued sheepishly.
My sister-in-law was insane… and stupid.
I didn’t know what to say.
A woman with a curious expression | Source: Pexels
But suddenly, the woman who’d come looking for her gnome burst out laughing. “Well, I’ll be damned,” she chuckled. “I never thought anyone would try to steal Rupert!”
Her laughter broke the tension. I giggled a bit and asked, “Rupert?”
The woman nodded, still grinning. “That’s what I call him. He’s been in my family for years, and everyone says he’s ugly. I was heartbroken when he disappeared the other day.”
An old garden gnome | Source: Midjourney
“I’m so sorry,” Emily said. “I never meant to cause any trouble. I just wanted to give Sarah a nice gift because she has a pretty garden.”
I turned to my sister-in-law with surprised eyes. Maybe this was a turning point for us.
“Oh, Emily,” I sighed.
The woman finally introduced herself as Miriam, and I invited her inside for an hour of tea, chatting, and laughing about my sister-in-law’s gnome stealing.
A woman drinking tea | Source: Pexels
David arrived home and couldn’t believe what had happened. He also apologized to Miriam for the stolen gnome, and a few hours later, he loaded Rupert into her car.
When the lady drove away, I turned to Emily.
“You know,” I commented, “weirdly, this might be the best birthday gift you’ve ever given me.”
“Honestly?” Emily asked.
A blonde woman smiling | Source: Pexels
“Yes, it showed me that you wanted to do something nice,” I answered. “You go about life, acting in a rather selfish way. You make things about yourself and mess up often, but this time, you thought about me and what I liked, and tried to give me something I would like, too.”
“I really did!” she nodded eagerly. “The gnome was cute!”
“Yes, it was,” I acknowledged. “But maybe, next time, don’t steal from other people. You could’ve just come by without a gift.”
A gift with a bow | Source: Pexels
Emily nodded, biting her lip.
“This was also one of the first events where I didn’t explode on you,” I continued, shrugging. “You’ve made me so mad before, but I realize now that it’s just you. You don’t mean any harm. You’re just a little misguided sometimes.”
Emily’s eyes shined on me, surprised, as if this was the first time anyone had ever seen her, the real her. “Thank you, Sarah,” she swallowed. “No one ever understands me. Everyone always thinks I do things because I want attention.”
“It seems that way often.”
A smiling woman | Source: Pexels
“I know,” she nodded. “I want to work on that.”
So, I clapped my hands. “Okay. Let’s start at the beginning. A clean slate from now on.”
Her eyes watered and she jumped into my arms. “Sister!”
My eyes almost watered, too.
“Alright, guys,” David interrupted us, smiling. “That was fun. Emily, do you want to stay for dinner?”
A smiling man on a front yard | Source: Pexels
“Yes!” she said, letting me go.
As we walked back into the house, I knew our family had changed… for the better… all because of a gnome.
Cheers to Rupert! Oh, and Emily bought another one from a REAL store that was much cuter. I named him, Rupert Jr.
A garden gnome | Source: Midjourney
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters, and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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