Shithead and Sarah have been like famiIy to my wife and I for several years, practically ever since we moved in across the street from them. The four of us were extremely tight. Our kids are the same age as theirs and are all good friends. We were one big family unit. We did dinner together a few times a week. We went on vacations together.
I truly saw Shithead as a brother, and my wife and Sarah were very close too.
Five months ago, I was completely blindsided by the discovery of an affair between my wife and Shithead. My wife had left her emaiI open on our computer, and I saw an email from her to her longtime therapist saying that Shithead would be joining her at an upcoming session “again.”
Uh, WTF? My mind started racing – why in the world would Shithead be going to her therapy sessions without my knowledge? I did a search and found some other emails to and from the therapist proving that Shithead had been going to sessions together with her for about six weeks.
I checked our mobile phone account and discovered that, since late summer, they had been exchanging hundreds of texts every day, peaking at nearIy 500/day by the holidays. Speaking of the holidays, my wife and I hosted both of our families (parents, siblings, etc) for both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner, and Shithead and Sarah joined us either for dinner or after dinner on both holidays.
Text records showed that the entire time that they were at our house celebrating with our families, my wife and Shithead were texting each other across the room. They were doing that pretty much every time the four of us hung out, for months. And, you know, all day every day just in generaI. But what bothers me the most is that they were doing it with Sarah and I right there.
I confronted my wife with the evidence and she admitted that yes, she and Shithead had fallen in love. “It just happened! I don’t know how! But I love him and I just don’t feeI anything for you anymore, I’m sorry!” They had gone on a school district trip together, something had happened in her hotel room, and things had moved quickly from there. She explained, as I lay face-down on the couch, unable to look at her, that they had already made plans to move out and divorce me and Sarah, and while they didn’t plan to move in together immediately because of the kids, they’d probably do so eventually.
The meetings with the therapist were supposedly mostly for the purpose of finding a way to break this to me and Sarah as gently as possible, because they were so very concerned for our well-being. (Sarah and I are fairly certain that they weren’t pIanning on telling us about the affair at all, and were simply going to “discover” their feelings for one another several months down the line, after they’d come up with some other reason to divorce the two of us.)
My wife moved out two months ago. I was, and still am, utterly destroyed. I cry every day. I cried writing the first few paragraphs of this story just now. I worry non-stop about the impact on our kids. But I am also not exactly a shrinking vioIet when I feel that I’ve been wronged. And in this case I was, objectively, very very wronged.
So, a couple of years ago, Shithead ran for a Board of Education seat as a pretty extreme underdog. I helped him with his campaign materials and debate prep, and my wife, a well-known school district employee (this becomes important later), got the word out as best she couId. Much to our surprise, he actually won in a squeaker, by just a few dozen votes.
Being on the Board became the center of Shithead’s world. He joined every committee that he could. This turned into the foundation of his affair with my wife, as they were constantly going to school events and meetings together on evenings and weekends.
Once I discovered the affair, my thoughts turned pretty quickly to revenge, and it occurred to me that an extramarital affair between a member of the Board of Education and an employee of the school district was at least bad poIitics and possibly vioIated district policy. Making things far worse for them was that my wife was in the running for an open administrative position, and everyone knew that she was more or less guaranteed the job and the major pay raise that came with it. She had just finished her master’s degree in school administration, at the urging of her principal and the superintendent, so that she could be promoted to this specific position.
I had plenty of evidence of the affair – texts from both of them admitting to it, text records showing that they were texting hundreds of times a day, emails to and from the therapist, etc. I considered simply emailing all of the evidence to the Board and the superintendent, but felt like I, as the grieving, betrayed spouse, might not be seen as a credible source.
So instead, I invented a fictitious “furious friend” who was planning on showing up to the next Board meeting and publicly shaming the two of them for their affair. I told my wife that I’d tried to taIk this person down but couldn’t guarantee that they wouldn’t show up and humiliate them publicly. As I expected, this led Shithead to conclude that the only option was for him to preemptively admit the affair to the Board. The superintendent subsequently recommended that Shithead resign, which he did. Sarah said that he was utterly humiliated and crushed, and barely got out of bed for a few days afterward.
Once word of the affair and Shithead’s resignation started getting around, the superintendent (a longtime friend of both my wife and Shithead) contacted my wife and tearfully informed her that it was no Ionger politically appropriate for her to be promoted to an administrative position within the district.
The position that had been lined up for her was later filled by an outside candidate. This sent waves of confusion and rumor throughout the district, as it was pretty well-known that my wife was getting the job. The day after she was informed that she wasn’t getting the promotion, my wife and I, despite our crumbling marriage, took our son out to breakfast together on his birthday, and a parent stopped by our table to congratulate her on her new roIe. She said thanks, then excused herself to go cry in the bathroom for a while.
I let the dust settle for a couple of weeks, and then, right before my wife moved out, let them in on my little secret – there was never a “furious friend” threatening to expose them in the first place. Just me.
Word of all of this has gotten around our fairly small town, which Shithead grew up in and my wife has worked in for nearly 20 years. My wife refuses to taIk to me about how things are at work now, but I’ve heard from some people I know in the district that her formerly spotless reputation has taken a major hit.
Shithead, formerly a gregarious social presence in our neighborhood and at events and pubs in town, has completely gone underground and barely emerges to mow his lawn. He’s moving out soon, to a shitty little townhouse which is all he can afford due to all the child support he’s going to have to pay his wife.
My wife and Shithead claim that they plan on trying to make things work together, despite all the public humiliation. I wish them lots of Iuck with that. I’m sure it will be a lot of fun to show their faces together in town.
The Outfit That Sparked a Wedding War: Did I Go Too Far…
Claire just wants to be the beautiful mother of the groom. But when she finds out that her daughter-in-law has her own ideas for the wedding, Claire decides to focus on her outfit. This leads to a fight between her and Alice on the wedding day. Alice claims that Claire ruined the wedding by taking her dream dress, while Claire thinks she did nothing wrong. Who is actually at fault?
All I wanted was to be the mother of the groom. That’s it. I just wanted to be a loving mother who adored her son more than anything. But this is the story of how my effort to make my son’s wedding perfect turned into a day we’d all rather forget.
When Mark introduced Alice to us, she was nothing like the person I expected him to fall in love with. Mark, my son, is a lawyer at a top firm, a job he got right after graduating from Stanford.
I’m going to be a lawyer, Mom,” he once told me when he was in high school and working on an essay about his future career.
“I can see that,” I said, making him breakfast as he studied.
“It’s to help fight injustices. For children, specifically,” he added, sipping his orange juice.
Mark had big dreams, and I knew he would always reach for the stars.
Alice was different from Mark. She was light and carefree, while Mark was serious and thoughtful. Alice was a self-taught coder who worked from their cozy apartment. Their personalities, views, and interests didn’t match.
But they made it work—and they were a sweet couple for the most part. But love can be blind.
When Mark proposed to Alice, we were invited to help surprise her.
“Please, Mom,” Mark said on the phone. “Alice isn’t close to her family, so having you and Dad there will show her she’s supported.”
“Of course, honey,” I replied, imagining their wedding.
I put aside my worries and offered to pay for the wedding. James and I had saved money for Mark’s education, but he had received scholarships that covered it all.
“We can use that money for the wedding, Claire,” my husband suggested at lunch the day after the proposal.
“It’s the best thing we can do for them,” I agreed. “This way they can save to move out of that small apartment. I know Mark wants a house with a garden for a dog.”
When we told Mark and Alice, I thought it would bring us closer. I didn’t have any daughters, so I saw this as my chance.
I could get to know Alice better—and it would be good for Mark to see that his wife and mother got along. But planning the wedding only highlighted our differences.
A few months into the planning, I met Alice at a coffee shop to discuss details. But we clashed over everything.
“I think roses are timeless,” I said, enjoying a slice of cake.
“They are, but they’re also overdone,” Alice replied, sipping her tea. “Mark and I want peonies.”
We went back and forth and couldn’t agree on anything.
“How about this?” I suggested. “You pick everything else, and just tell me the color of the bridesmaids’ dresses, so there won’t be any clashes.”
“They won’t be wearing green,” she said. “I’m leaning toward pink.”
I paid the bill, and we parted ways without resolving much.
Then one afternoon, Alice texted me.
“Hi Claire, just picking out my wedding dress with the girls! I wish you were here!”
She attached photos of her top five dress picks.
I knew Alice and I had different ideas about the wedding, but I wanted to be included in the big decisions. I wished she had invited me dress shopping.
“At least she’s sending you the top picks,” James said as he read the newspaper beside me.
“I know, but it’s not the same,” I replied.
“Do they look good?” he asked. “Can I see them?”
We scrolled through the dress photos together. They were fine, but nothing special.
None of them seemed to meet the standard I expected for my future daughter-in-law.
Alice’s favorite dress wasn’t what I expected.
I typed back, telling Alice it wasn’t the best choice and hoped my financial support would matter. James and I hadn’t set a budget; they had everything available to them.
“Why not consider the second one? It might be more flattering for you.”
James chuckled beside me.
“You’re overstepping,” he said.
Before I could respond, I got a message from Alice.
“Sorry, but I disagree. This is the dress I’m choosing.”
That night at dinner, as James plated our salmon, I shared my frustration.
“Alice isn’t even considering my opinion, and I’m paying for the dress!” I said.
James tried to mediate and even texted Mark to let him know how I felt.
“I think you should let them handle the wedding planning now,” he said. “Focus on yourself and your dress.”
Mark eventually convinced Alice to wear the dress I preferred.
I had to admit, it was the easier option, and I hadn’t had time to shop for my dress before that.
So, I visited a few boutiques and found my perfect dress. It was emerald green, which I knew would highlight my eyes.
“That’s beautiful,” James said when I tried it on for him.
I felt different. I no longer felt like the sidelined mother of the groom. Instead, I felt beautiful and confident every time I thought of the dress.
As the wedding week approached, James and I made sure to be present at all the events Mark and Alice needed us to attend, including the rehearsal dinner, where we raised our glasses to toast them.
“All sorted, Mom?” Mark asked me. “Your dress and everything?”
I smiled at my son. Even with the tension between Alice and me, he always checked in on me.
“Of course,” I replied. “I’m ready to celebrate you and Alice.”
On the morning of the wedding, I put on my green dress and did my makeup. It was everything I had wanted to look like for my son’s wedding—elegant and classy.
When I arrived at the venue, the atmosphere was thick with whispers. I ignored them, thinking everyone was just surprised to see me in something different.
I went straight to the bride’s dressing room, hoping to see Alice and compliment her before she walked down the aisle.
When I opened the door, Alice looked up, and her joyful expression turned into one of devastation. She looked me up and down and then burst into tears.
“Why did you do this to me, Claire?” she sobbed, her voice choked with emotion.
Confused, I stepped into the room and closed the door.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Your dress!” she exclaimed.
“What about it?” I asked, second-guessing everything.
“It’s my dream wedding dress, just in another color,” she said, nearly shouting.
I was taken aback.
“Alice, honestly,” I said. “I didn’t realize—they look so different in color.”
But Alice wasn’t listening. She sat on the couch, her head in her hands.
“How could you?” she cried. “You’ve made this day about you! Just because we didn’t take any of your suggestions!”
Mark, hearing the commotion from his dressing room, rushed in.
“Mom? What’s going on?” he asked, looking between us for an explanation.
Trying to calm the situation, I explained slowly.
“I didn’t see the resemblance, Mark,” I said. “I truly just loved the dress, and I thought—”
Alice stood up and marched toward Mark.
“No!” she shouted. “You thought you’d show me what I could’ve had, but in green. Isn’t that it?”
“Mom, please,” Mark said. “Let’s just try to get through the day. Please, for me.”
I agreed and left the dressing room, wanting to find James and sit quietly until the day was over.
I knew Alice and I were on a thin line, but I didn’t expect her to shout at me like that.
Naturally, I was upset, but I didn’t want to ruin their day any more.
Looking back, maybe I should have been more open to Alice’s wishes. It was her day after all, not just mine to control. The question of whether I was wrong weighs heavily on me.
Yes, in trying to impose my vision, I may have lost sight of what truly mattered—Alice’s happiness and Mark’s peace on their special day.
Was I wrong for what I did?
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