I’ve always been a patient person. I got to practice my patience when my father remarried following my mom’s death. So, when my in-laws tried to get me to break up with my husband before we could get married, I just used what I had learned earlier in life to withstand their onslaught.
You know, sometimes trying to find your place in someone else’s family can be really tricky. At least, it was for me when I met my husband’s family. See, I’m originally from Morocco, while my husband, Jeremy, was raised by an extremely conservative family from Georgia. That should be enough to give you an idea of what I faced.
Man and woman on a date | Source: Getty Images
I immigrated to the US shortly after my mother passed away. I was 11 at the time, and it felt like my entire world was coming to an end. To add to this, my dad married a new woman only a little over a year after Mom’s death. Naturally, adjusting to life in a new country and coming to terms that there was a new woman in my mom’s place was jarring.
My stepmom wasn’t a bad person, but we never got along. I think she felt insecure about the fact that she could never have kids, so she would often be mean and distant toward my sister and me. She used to try to upset us all the time by doing petty things that she knew would make us uncomfortable, but luckily my mom had taught me to always smile when people were intentionally being mean to me.
A young girl in an airplane | Source: Getty Images
This turned out to be a great defense mechanism, and my stepmom couldn’t bear that her tricks weren’t working on me. Eventually, things died down and we made our peace, but I would never forget how effective it was to just smile through whatever petty new ploy she had devised to try and upset me. It truly was one of the greatest gifts my mom had ever given me.
But my stepmom was a minor hindrance compared to Jeremy’s family. When I met them for the first time, I knew I was in for a lengthy cold war.
A woman yelling at a young girl | Source: Getty Images
I met Leona, Jeremy’s mom, and the rest of the Fergus family at one of their family dinners. By that time, I had been dating Jeremy for almost a year, and they had used every excuse to avoid inviting me to their dinners. This time, Jeremy ensured that they couldn’t weasel out of meeting me, and he even told his mom to prepare a few dishes that I could eat, since I steer clear of any pork and alcohol.
While my loving boyfriend was sure there would be something for me, I knew better than to just blindly trust people who clearly had misgivings about me to respect my personal choices, so I ate as I would before a fast and prepared myself for sitting around the dinner table while everyone enjoyed their meal.
A large dinner table with people sitting around it | Source: Getty Images
When we showed up at Jeremy’s parents’ house, the family greeted me with half-hearted smiles and quick hugs before we all settled down to eat. I knew the greetings would be awkward and stiff, but what I didn’t anticipate was Leona bringing a peppy blonde woman up to me with a huge smile and saying, “Oh, Aleah, you just have to meet Diane, Jeremy’s last girlfriend. We’re all still very close and I thought you two might hit it off.”
Diane looked slightly embarrassed, and shook my hand with a smile that seemed to say, “I’m sorry, I know, but what could I do?” I introduced myself and we exchanged a few pleasantries before she greeted Jeremy with a huge hug. She immediately launched into a conversation with him about what was going on in his life, ignoring me completely. Jeremy answered a few questions, grabbed my hand, and steered me to our seats.
A woman shaking another woman’s hand | Source: Getty Images
At the table, things just got worse. Leona opened all the dishes, and every single thing had pork in it. The mac and cheese had bacon bits in, the mashed potatoes had lard in, and even the turkey was wrapped in bacon. After unveiling all the food, Jeremy’s mom looked at me, apologized for all the pork, and offered me a drink. “I don’t drink, but I’ll gladly take a glass of water,” I said with a smile. Slightly crestfallen, Leona got up to get me one.
During the meal, the entire family kept making off-handed, passive-aggressive, and slightly racist comments clearly directed toward me. Meanwhile, Diane was showered with compliments. You’d expect she was royalty with how the family sucked up to her. But I knew exactly how to handle the situation.
A woman enjoying a glass of water | Source: Getty Images
Instead of letting my annoyance show, I once again employed my mom’s wisdom. I smiled at every so-called joke, and even threw a few of my own compliments at Diane. I told Leona how lovely the spread looked, and thanked her profusely when she went to refill my cup of water. I could see Jeremy’s mom seething at my pleasant demeanor.
The night ended and we said our goodbyes. I refrained from complaining to Jeremy about his family. I could handle it. But things didn’t get better from there. Family dinners were suddenly off-limits to anyone who wasn’t also a Fergus — although Diane was apparently an exception — so I would often spend Christmas on my own or with my sister. They never drove a wedge between myself and Jeremy, and imagine their shock when he eventually proposed.
Two sisters celebrating Christmas together | Source: Getty Images
Now, Leona and the rest of the family never bothered to learn anything about my culture. They assumed the wedding would be a regular ceremony, but Jeremy and I had planned on blending traditions. So when all the women, Diane included, showed up wearing white, I was all smiles, complimenting their outfits all the way. This didn’t go down well.
Meanwhile, my outfits were made up of every color imaginable, and I outshone them in every photo. There’s even one picture of Leona with the biggest sour expression I had ever seen. It was a wonderful day.
A traditional wedding dress | Source: Getty Images
But the unspoken feud came to a head last Christmas when Leona suggested I host. Naturally, I accepted, even though I knew she only offered because she hoped I would be overwhelmed. Fortunately, she didn’t count on the fact that I often cooked, and had been since I was a young girl. So my spread was something to marvel at.
Mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, turkey, glazed ham, Brussels sprouts, green bean casserole, roasted carrots, and potatoes, freshly baked bread, corn bread, and an entire assortment of pies. Even I was impressed. But of course, with her plan in ruins, Leona did the next best thing. She started shouting at me.
A big dinner | Source: Getty Images
“You’ve got to be kidding me! How could you of all people have managed this?! I know you hired a catering company, Aleah! Just to make me look bad. Admit it!”
Surprised at her outright anger, I looked at her, then at Jeremy. Luckily he stepped in.
“Mom, Aleah slaved away for two days to make sure we had a great Christmas dinner. I don’t think you acting like this is very mature or fair. She has been nothing but a good host, and you accuse her of being petty, like a child who had hoped to one-up someone. I think you owe her an apology, or you should leave.”
There was a long pause. Everyone wondered what would happen next, plates in hand.
A woman cooking dinner | Source: Getty Images
Leona took a deep breath and looked at me. “You won,” she muttered and sat down dejectedly. Before Jeremy could say another word, I walked over to my mother-in-law, got on my knees before her, and took her hands in mine. “Leona, this isn’t a competition. I love your son deeply and I don’t want this cold war between us.”
She looked at me with new-found respect, and I could see the hatchet was buried. The war between us ended with a big hug and a great dinner, and although we still differ about things, we have grown quite fond of each other over the last few months.
How Beauty Standards of the Miss World Pageant Have Changed
On March 9, 2024, the Miss World 2023 pageant was held to choose a beauty queen once again. The crown went to Krystyna Pyszková of the Czech Republic. To honor this event, we decided to take a look at the history of the contest and find out how the jury’s approach to assessing women’s beauty has changed over the decades.
1950s: it all started with a scandal.
Kiki Håkansson (Sweden), Miss World 1951
In 1951, as part of the Festival of Britain, the Festival Bikini Contest was held, which journalists later named Miss World. This event became a scandal because in those days a bikini was considered indecent.
Swedish beauty Kikki Håkansson became the winner of this first pageant. And to this day, she remains the only winner to have received her crown while wearing a bikini. Later, the finalists would wear a one-piece swimsuit or evening gown to the awards ceremony.
Denise Perrier (France), Miss World 1953, and Marita Lindahl (Finland), Miss World 1957
Despite the 1951 bikini scandal, the contest founder Eric Morley was pleased with the public attention and decided to hold the pageant annually. His requirements for potential participants were as follows: single women without children aged 17 to 27.
Corine Rottschäfer (Netherlands), Miss World 1959
In 1959, a major British television channel agreed to broadcast the pageant, thus making it even more popular. Corine Rottschäfer found herself in a delicate situation before the awarding ceremony when she discovered that her evening gown had holes in it. Another contestant lent Corine the dress and eventually finished third, while Corine became the winner.
1960s: Miss World is gaining momentum.
Katharina Lodders (Netherlands), Miss World 1962
In the 1960s, the Miss World pageant became one of the most watched television shows. The cash prize for the winner was increased from £500 to £2,500. In 1961, the requirements for contestants were also changed: the upper age limit was now 25 years old.
Katharina Lodders, who was crowned in 1962, addressed these criteria in her own way. On collecting the award, she said out loud, «I don’t think I’m the most beautiful girl in the world — I am the most beautiful girl here.»
Ann Sidney (Great Britain), Miss World 1964
In 1964, the winner was Ann Sidney, who later made a career in the movie industry. By the way, Morley introduced a new rule that same year: he forbade the mothers of contestants to accompany their daughters. The reason why was because the mother of one of the girls caused a lot of inconvenience to the organizers, getting involved in their work.
Reita Faria (India), Miss World 1966
In the late 1960s, the contest became even bigger. In 1966, Morley sent invitations to more than 70 countries, 66 of which were happy to respond. And in 1968, for the first time in the history of the event, a married girl was allowed to participate. In the 1970s, however, a strict criterion for the marital status of contestants was reintroduced: single only, period.
1970s: feminists change the essence of the pageant.
Jennifer Hosten (Grenada), Miss World 1970
The beginning of the decade was marked by a new scandal. In 1970, a week before the pageant, British feminists claimed that Miss World objectified women and threatened to interrupt the show. And they did it. When the event was in full swing, some female guests rose from their seats and began to blow whistles, jingle rattles and shout slogans. Later, the movie Misbehaviour starring Keira Knightley was based on these events.
In 1970, Jennifer Hosten won the crown. She became the first black woman to win it.
Marie Stävin (Sweden), Miss World 1977, and Silvana Suárez (Argentina), Miss World 1978
The conflict with feminists forced the organizers to think about the message the pageant was sending to the world. And in 1972, Eric Morley and his wife announced that the event would now be held under the slogan «Beauty With a Purpose.» The contestants were also required to present their charity projects to the jury.
1980s: «Beauty With a Purpose»
Mariasela Álvarez (Dominican Republic), Miss World 1982
In the 1980s, the slogan «Beauty With a Purpose» got another meaning: new tests of intelligence and personality were added to the contest program. In the eyes of the judges, the contestants’ personal qualities became as important as their looks.
Giselle Laronde (Trinidad and Tobago), Miss World 1986
In the second half of the decade, the contest became criticized again. The public in different countries didn’t like the fact that girls were judged only by representatives of Western countries. And in 1986, Morley decided to hold the preliminaries of the contest in Macau and give the Eastern judges the opportunity to select the contestants. The winner that year was Giselle Laronde from Trinidad and Tobago. This was the first time a representative of this country won the crown.
Ulla Weigerstorfer (Austria), Miss World 1987
And in 1987, the organizers ignored their own rule that allowed to participate girls aged only 17 to 25 and let a 26-year-old beauty to compete for the crown. Later, the upper age limit would be made 27 again.
1990s: crisis
Aishwarya Rai (India), Miss World 1994
In the early 1990s, the popularity of the contest began to decline, and major TV channels stopped broadcasting it. But Morley wasn’t going to give up and managed to find ways to organize the contest at a lower cost.
Yukta Mookhey (India), Miss World 1999
In the second half of the decade, the organizers decided to gather a jury of representatives of different professions from all over the world in order to increase the interest of the audience. So, now beauties were judged by actors and actresses, athletes, magazine editors, and top models from different countries.
2000s: a woman takes the reins.
Agbani Darego (Nigeria), Miss World 2001
In 2000, Eric Morley passed away, so his wife Julia took on her husband’s work and decided to make some adjustments. For example, she called the pageant «stupid and horrible» and promised to make it «more positive» for women. She condemned the part of the show where girls had to first parade around in swimsuits and then give interviews about their life ambitions. «Not because I thought there was something wrong, horrible, and unnatural about swimsuits, but I thought you generally don’t feel comfortable if someone is interviewing you in a tux, and you are in a bathing suit,» Julia said.
Rosanna Davison (Ireland), Miss World 2003, and Kaiane Aldorino (Gibraltar), Miss World 2009
In 2004, Julia Morley surpassed her spouse by managing to gather a then record number of participating countries — 107 girls took part in the competition.
2010s: no swimsuits
Megan Young (Philippines), Miss World 2013
In 2013, the contestants traveled to Bali. It was the first time the event was held in Southeast Asia. Also, for the first time in the history of the contest, a girl from the Philippines, Megan Young, won the crown.
Manushi Chhillar (India), Miss World 2017
Julia Morley, who had previously voiced her discontent with overly revealing costumes of contestants,
decided to remove the swimsuit competition from the pageant in 2015. She said, «We are really not looking at her bottom. We are really listening to her speak.»
2020s: what’s next?
Karolina Bielawska (Poland), Miss World 2021
The first event of the new decade wasn’t really big. In 2022, the number of countries participating in the contest was the smallest since 2003 — only 97. The winner was Karolina Bielawska from Poland. Next time, the Miss World jury gathered in 2024 and crowned Krystyna Pyszková from the Czech Republic.
Krystyna Pyszková (Czech Republic), Miss World 2023
Since modern trends criticize various beauty standards, there is a possibility that the Miss World organizers will choose to stop using any selection criteria for future contestants, following the example of Miss Universe. In 2023, the latter removed the upper age limit for contestants. And since Julia Morley suggests that it is personality that should be evaluated, we are sure that changes in the contest are not long to wait.
Speaking about Miss Universe. Here’s what 16 Miss Universe winners look like now.
Preview photo credit Harry Pot / Nationaal Archief / Wikimedia Commons, CC BY-SA 3.0 NL DEED, Historia de la belleza / Wikimedia Commons, EAST NEWS, Rajanish Kakade / Associated Press / East News
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