Eight years of marriage shattered in one quick breath when my husband Mike brought home his pregnant sidekick and KICKED ME OUT of the house. I packed alright, but what I unpacked was a revenge plot so brilliant and karmic!
Portrait of a sad young woman | Source: Midjourney
It was a Tuesday evening when my life decided to go off the rails. I walked into our living room, tired from a long day at work, only to find a heavily pregnant woman sitting on our couch, eating chips.
At first, I thought maybe I’d accidentally wandered into the wrong house.
But no, there was our ugly floral wallpaper that Mike insisted on keeping, and there was Mike, looking like he’d just swallowed a porcupine.
A pregnant woman sitting on the couch | Source: Midjourney
“Hey, Michelle,” he said, his voice as casual as if he was asking me to pass the salt. “We need to talk.”
I stood there, frozen, my brain trying to compute the scene before me. The pregnant woman smiled awkwardly, her hand on her belly, looking like she was auditioning for a soap opera.
“This is Jessica,” Mike continued, gesturing to the human incubator on our couch. “She’s pregnant. With my child. It… it just happened. And we’ve decided to be together.”
A woman gaping in shock | Source: Midjourney
I waited for the punchline. Surely, this was some elaborate prank for a new reality TV show. Maybe I’d win a car if I didn’t freak out?
But Mike’s face remained serious, and Jessica kept smiling that infuriating smile.
“Mike,” I said slowly, “what do you mean by ‘it just happened’? Did you trip and fall into her—?”
Mike had the audacity to look offended. “Enough, Michelle! This is serious. I think it’s best if you move out. You can go stay with your mom. Jess and I’ll take over the house.”
A serious-looking man sitting on the couch | Source: Midjourney
I blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. Nope, still not a dream.
I was half-expecting Ashton Kutcher to jump out and tell me I’d been Punk’d. But alas, no Ashton. Just my cheating husband and his very pregnant sidekick.
“Alright,” I calmly said. “I’ll pack my things and leave.”
Mike looked relieved, probably thinking he’d gotten off easy. Jessica’s smile grew wider, like she’d just won the lottery. Little did they know, the lottery was about to hit them back, and hit them hard.
A heartbroken woman at the doorway | Source: Midjourney
I went upstairs, packed a suitcase with some essentials, and left without another word.
As I drove to my mom’s house, the shock wore off, and rage took its place. But this wasn’t just any rage. This was the kind of rage that makes you want to do something spectacularly stupid and incredibly satisfying.
The next day, I set my plan in motion.
First stop: the bank. I marched in there like a woman on a mission, which I was. I froze our joint account faster than you can say “cheating jerk.”
The look on the bank manager’s face when I explained why was priceless. I’m pretty sure he was mentally taking notes for his next novel.
A woman outside a bank | Source: Midjourney
Next, I visited a locksmith.
I remembered overhearing Mike tell Jessica they’d be gone for three days, giving me plenty of time to execute my master plan. It was like the universe was conspiring in my favor, and who was I to argue with destiny?
My next stop: my house. The same cozy house Mike and I once lived together, planning a future that was now a total trainwreck.
The puzzled locksmith probably thought I was crazy, cackling as I had him change all the locks on the house. I may have gone a bit overboard and asked for the most complicated, high-tech locks available. Hey, if I was going to do this, I was going to do it right. And big.
A locksmith fixing a door lock | Source: Midjourney
Then came the movers.
I gave them the spare keys and scheduled them to pack up everything I owned, which was basically everything in the house. I even took the toilet paper. Let’s see how Mike and Jessica enjoy using leaves!
But the piece de resistance? Oh, that was yet to come. I had a brilliant idea that would make this revenge not just sweet, but long-lasting.
Toilet paper rolls in a basket | Source: Midjourney
I sent out party invitations. Lots of them. To Mike’s family, our friends, his coworkers, even that nosy neighbor who always complained about our late dog.
The invitation read: “Come celebrate Mike’s new life! Surprise party at our house, tomorrow at 7 p.m.!”
A party invitation | Source: Midjourney
Then, I commissioned a billboard. Yes, a billboard. A huge one. It was delivered and set up on our front lawn, impossible to miss.
In giant, bold letters, it proclaimed: “Congratulations on Dumping Me for Your Pregnant Mistress, Mike! Hope the Baby Doesn’t Inherit Your Infidelity!”
I stepped back to admire my handiwork, feeling like a mischievous fairy godmother who’d just granted the world’s most ironic wish. With a satisfied smirk and a dramatic hair flip, I sashayed away from the scene, eagerly anticipating the chaos that was about to unfold.
A billboard outside a house | Source: Midjourney
The next evening, right on cue, my phone rang. It was Mike, and he sounded like he was having an aneurysm.
“Michelle!” he screeched, his voice hitting octaves I didn’t know he could reach. “What the hell is going on? Why are there people at our house? And what’s with this insane billboard?”
“Oh, that?” I said, trying to sound innocent. “Just a little housewarming party for you and Jessica. Don’t you like the decorations?”
“Decorations? It’s a freaking circus out here! And why can’t I get into the house?”
A startled man talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
I couldn’t help but giggle. “Well, honey, you told me to move out, remember? You never said anything about you staying there. I just remembered that the house is solely under my name. So, I changed the locks. Oopsie!”
There was a long silence on the other end. I could almost hear the gears in his tiny brain trying to process what was happening.
“Where are we supposed to go?” he finally sputtered.
“Gee, I don’t know, Mike. Maybe Jessica’s mom would love to have you? I hear pregnancy hormones and in-laws mix really well.”
A smiling woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
I hung up, feeling lighter than I had in years. But wait, there was more!
In the days that followed, I had the utilities cut off, canceled the cable, and made sure all our joint assets were transferred into my name. I listed the house for sale, making sure to mention in the listing that it came with a “bonus front lawn art installation.”
I had Mike served with divorce papers at work. I specifically requested the mailman to dress up as a pregnant woman. Just for funsies.
But the universe wasn’t done with Mike yet. Oh no, it had saved the best for last.
A man gaping in shock as he holds some papers | Source: Midjourney
A week later, I got a call from Jessica. Yes, that Jessica. She was crying so hard I could barely understand her.
“Michelle,” she sobbed, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know… I mean, Mike told me you two were separated. And now… now he’s broke and homeless, and I’m pregnant, and I don’t know what to do!”
I almost felt bad for her. Almost.
“Well, Jessica,” I said, trying to keep the glee out of my voice, “I hear the circus is always looking for new acts. Maybe you two could start a juggling duo? You juggle the baby, he juggles his lies?”
She didn’t appreciate my humor. Tsk! Tsk!
Silhouette of a pregnant woman holding a smartphone | Source: Midjourney
As it turns out, when Jessica found out that Mike was now homeless, broke, and the laughingstock of the town, she decided that maybe being with a guy who had no money, no house, and no future wasn’t such a great idea after all.
She dumped him faster than you can say “Karma’s a b****!”
Last I heard, Mike was living in a tiny apartment, trying to scrape together enough money to pay bills and feed his hungry belly. His family had cut him off, disgusted by his behavior.
They even sent me a fruit basket and a sorry card. I ate the fruits while soaking in my new jacuzzi.
As for me? Well, the house sold for a nice profit. I moved to a beautiful new place, started my own business, and adopted a cat. I named him Karma.
A woman with her pet cat | Source: Midjourney
So yeah, my revenge might have been a bit over the top. But let’s be real, bringing home a pregnant mistress and trying to kick me out of my own house? That’s not just crossing a line, that’s pole-vaulting over it and then setting the pole on fire.
In the end, I learned a valuable lesson: When life gives you lemons, don’t just make lemonade. Squeeze those lemons into the eyes of those who wronged you, and then sit back and watch them stumble around blindly. It’s much more satisfying.
And remember, folks: cheaters never prosper, but the cheated-on with a good sense of humor and a flair for the dramatic? Oh, we do just fine!
A cheerful woman smiling | Source: Midjourney
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
Pop Icon Cyndi Lauper Battles Secret Illness: The Painful Truth Behind Her ‘True Colors
There’s something magical about Cyndi Lauper, the lively artist behind the 1983 hit “Girls Just Want to Have Fun,” a song that quickly became a global anthem, encouraging women everywhere to embrace fun and freedom.
Lauper is the definition of cool. Her quirky, carefree personality, playful fashion, and colorful hair inspire people with her message to always be yourself.
However, behind the playful voice that spreads joy to her listeners, Lauper battles a severe skin condition called psoriasis. At one point, it was so intense that, as she described, “It looked like someone threw boiling water on me.”
Wire Image
The legendary pop star, now 69, recently opened up about her ongoing battle with psoriasis—a chronic skin condition that has no cure—since she was first diagnosed in 2010.
Psoriasis can cause severe pain, itching, discomfort, and rough, scaly patches on the skin. About 8 million people in the U.S. and 125 million globally live with this condition.
Lauper’s symptoms started as scalp irritation and general discomfort, which worsened over time.
Initially, she thought her itchy scalp was from frequently coloring her hair, but the symptoms continued, causing both physical pain and emotional strain for the award-winning musician.
The “Time after Time” singer is a busy mother, touring pop star, and activist.
Inspired by her sister Ellen, who is a lesbian, Lauper has become a strong supporter of LGBT rights, working tirelessly to advocate for the community.
Her 2005 song “Above the Clouds” was written in honor of Matthew Shepard, a 21-year-old gay student who was beaten to death in Wyoming. Lauper also started the “True Colors” concert tour in 2007-2008, which raises support for local and private LGBT charities and organizations.
Besides her advocacy, Lauper has an impressive career as a singer, songwriter, and actor. Over the past forty years, she has received many awards, including a Tony Award, two Grammy Awards, an MTV Music Video Award, and an Emmy Award for her role in a 1995 episode of the TV show *Mad About You*.
She also has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, is a member of the Songwriters Hall of Fame, and in 2013, her humanitarian work earned her a special invitation to attend President Barack Obama’s second inauguration.
Despite her diagnosis, Lauper continues to stay strong. She is committed to not letting psoriasis hold her back and works on managing stress to avoid triggering flare-ups.
When she was first diagnosed and dealing with severe psoriasis, Lauper wrote the music and lyrics for the Broadway musical *Kinky Boots*, which won her a Tony Award for Best Original Score. She became the first woman to win a Tony in that category on her own. The show also won five more Tony Awards, including Best New Musical.
In a conversation with the American Academy of Dermatology (AAD), Lauper openly shared her experience living with the autoimmune skin condition, hoping her story might help others.
“I’ve never been able to really manage stress,” she admitted, explaining that she now takes a holistic approach to healing and stress relief both at home and on the road. She learned reiki, a Japanese technique for relaxation, saying, “That helps me.”
Along with reiki, Lauper works to stay grounded by meditating, practicing yoga, or taking walks in the fresh air with her dog and her husband, David Thornton, whom she married in 1991. The couple has one son, born in 1997.
“It’s not a bad thing to take care of yourself,” Lauper said, urging people to always “make a little time for you.”
She encourages starting small. “How about five minutes for you?” she added.
Lauper speaks with resilience about her experience, explaining that “when psoriasis gets really bad, it’s really hard to get up again.” She shared that at times, she couldn’t regulate her body temperature, leading to chills that could result in hypothermia. Even when resting, her condition only worsened, and hearing people dismiss it as “just a rash” added to her struggles.
“You don’t have to suffer,” Lauper said. Treatments, such as topical and oral medication or injections, can help ease the often unbearable symptoms of psoriasis. For Lauper, she found relief with Novartis’ Cosentyx, and as a spokesperson for the medication, she happily shares that she’s been “four years clear.”
In 2017, Lauper spoke with HealthDay about managing her psoriasis.
“It’s funny—you start wearing gloves, or this and that, hoping [psoriasis] is invisible, but it’s not. I didn’t show it off, like, ‘Woo-hoo, check this out!’ Doesn’t everyone try to hide it? You’d be surprised how many people have it and don’t talk about it. It’s one of those invisible things, so it’s good to talk about it.”
She shares more about it on her podcast *PsO in the Know*, where she talks with celebrities, advocates, and everyday people who offer insights on living with psoriasis.
The show is now in its third season and is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Pandora, and Stitcher.
Lauper isn’t the only celebrity with psoriasis. Kim Kardashian, now 42, was diagnosed at 30 and is open about her challenges. Her mom, Kris Jenner, 67, had her first outbreak in her late 20s and said it was “life-changing.” Other celebrities with psoriasis include musician Art Garfunkel, 81, actor Jon Lovitz, 65, and Jerry Mathers, 74, known as “The Beaver.”
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