When my mother-in-law moved into our home without warning, I thought it was just about a plumbing issue. Turns out, she had another mission. And let me tell you, her tactics were more relentless than I ever imagined.
I came home that evening after a long, exhausting day, craving nothing more than peace and quiet. But as soon as I opened the door, I knew something was wrong. There were boxes everywhere. My heart skipped a beat.
I dropped my bag by the door, carefully stepping over a pile of shoes, and followed the trail of clutter down the hall. That’s when I saw her. My mother-in-law, Jane, was in the guest room, unpacking like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Clothes were strewn across the bed. Her flowery perfume clung to the air, and photos of her cats had already claimed the nightstand.
“Mom?” My voice was tight, a forced calm. “What’s going on?”
Without so much as glancing in my direction, she waved a hand, casually saying, “Oh, didn’t Joe tell you? My house had a little ‘incident.’ Pipes burst and flooded the whole place. I’ll be staying here for a while until it’s sorted.”
I blinked. Flooding? That didn’t sound right. She lived in a freshly renovated house, nothing but top-tier everything. I hadn’t heard a single complaint about it until now.
Before I could even begin to process, Joe appeared behind me. He looked guilty, eyes darting anywhere but at me. “Yeah… about that.” He rubbed the back of his neck, awkwardly shifting his weight. “Mom’s gonna stay with us for a bit. Just until the house gets fixed.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me?” I asked, my glare piercing.
He shrugged like it was no big deal. “It’s only for a little while, babe. You and Mom get along, right?”
Get along? If by “get along,” he meant the passive-aggressive remarks about how we’d been married for six years and still hadn’t given her any grandkids, then sure. We were best friends. But I plastered on a smile, the kind you give when you’re two seconds away from snapping. “Of course. I totally understand.”
Hours later, after I’d pretended everything was fine, I got up for some water. As I passed the kitchen, I heard them talking in hushed voices.
“You didn’t tell her the real reason, did you?” Jane’s voice was sharp, like a knife slicing through the night.
Joe sighed. “No, Mom. I didn’t.”
“Well,” Jane huffed, “I’m here to keep an eye on things. Married this long with no children… someone’s got to figure out what’s going on. Don’t worry, I’ll handle it.”
My stomach twisted. This wasn’t about pipes. She was here to snoop. To pressure me about kids. To “handle” me. I stood frozen in the hallway, blood boiling. What the hell had I just walked into?
The next morning, I woke up with a plan. If Jane wanted to play her little game, I’d play mine. But I wasn’t going to get into a battle of wits with her. No, I was going to kill her with kindness. By 8 a.m., I had already started phase one of my “operation.”
I cleared out our entire master bedroom. Every piece of clothing, every picture frame, every trace of Joe and me was stuffed into the tiny guest room. I even found Jane’s favorite floral bedspread from the back of the linen closet and spread it over the bed like I was preparing a five-star hotel suite.
When I was done, I stood in the doorway, surveying my work. The bedspread was pristine, her cat pictures were lined up on the dresser, and to top it off, I made a “Welcome to Your New Home” basket. Bath bombs, lavender-scented candles, fancy chocolates.
By the time Joe got home from work, I was already sitting in the cramped guest room, arranging our clothes into whatever space I could find. He walked in, his forehead creased with confusion. “Why are you in here?” He peeked around the corner. “Where’s our stuff?”
“Oh, I moved everything,” I said, turning to him with the sweetest smile I could muster. “Your mom deserves the master bedroom, don’t you think? It’s only fair. She needs the space more than we do.”
His eyes widened in disbelief. “You… gave her our bedroom?”
“Of course,” I said with a grin. “She’s family, after all. We’ll be just fine in here.”
Joe stood there, mouth half open, processing what I’d done. But what could he say? Jane was his mother, and I wasn’t technically doing anything wrong. He sighed and walked out of the room without another word.
For the next few days, I made sure Jane was living like royalty. Fresh towels every morning, little snacks placed on the nightstand, and those lavender candles I knew she loved.
She wandered around the house like she owned the place, smiling at me like she’d won. But while Jane was lounging in luxury, Joe was starting to crack. Sharing the guest room was driving him nuts. Not just the lack of space, but his mom’s new obsession with prepping him for fatherhood.
Every morning, without fail, she’d hand him a schedule of vitamins.
“You need to take these, Joe,” she’d say, thrusting a multivitamin at him. “It’s important to get your body ready if you want healthy kids.”
Joe would roll his eyes but take the pills just to keep her quiet.
It didn’t stop there. “Should you really be watching TV at night?” she’d ask over dinner. “That’s not very baby-friendly. You should be reading parenting books. Or exercising. And no more video games! You need to mature, Joe. Fatherhood is serious.”
By day four, I found Joe sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at a stack of parenting books his mom had ordered online.
“I think I’m losing it,” he muttered, holding up a book titled “What To Expect When You’re Expecting.” “She expects me to read this.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Well, Joe,” I said, suppressing a laugh, “you did say we’d be just fine, didn’t you?”
It was relentless. Jane had taken things up a notch. One evening, she handed Joe a neatly typed list of “fertility-boosting” foods. Kale, quinoa, grilled salmon—no more burgers, no more pizza. She smiled sweetly as if she was doing him the world’s greatest favor.
“Your future kids will thank you,” she chirped.
Joe stared at the list like it was a death sentence. “Wait, no pizza? Ever?”
“That’s right, dear,” she said, patting his shoulder. “I’ve planned all your meals for the week. You’ll feel so much better once you start eating clean.”
That night at dinner, we sat around the table eating dry salmon and tasteless kale. Jane watched Joe like a hawk, her eyes flicking from his plate to his face. He shifted uncomfortably, picking at his food.
“Joe,” she started, “did you take your vitamins this morning?”
He sighed, stabbing a fork into the kale. “Yeah, Mom. I took them.”
“And what about the gym? Did you make time for that? You know, you’ve put on a little weight. It’s important to be in shape if you want to be a good father.”
I couldn’t help it. I kicked him under the table to stop myself from bursting out laughing. He shot me a look, his expression torn between frustration and desperation. After days of this, it was finally getting to him.
Later that night, once Jane had gone to bed, Joe turned to me, rubbing his temples. His voice was low, almost pleading. “I can’t do this anymore, Tiana. The guest room, the vitamins, the baby talk… I’m going insane.”
I bit my lip, trying to suppress a smile. “You have to admit,” I said, failing to keep the amusement out of my voice, “it’s kind of funny.”
His eyes narrowed. “It’s not funny.”
I let out a small laugh. “Okay, okay, it’s a little funny.”
Joe groaned and collapsed onto the bed. “I booked her a room at the hotel down the street. I can’t take another day of this.”
The next morning, he broke the news at breakfast.
“Mom, I’ve booked you a nice hotel nearby until the repairs at your house are done. You’ll be much more comfortable there.”
She blinked, clearly surprised. “But I’m perfectly fine here! And besides, isn’t it time you two got serious about giving me grandkids?”
Joe’s jaw clenched. “Mom, we’ll decide that when we’re ready. For now, the hotel is best for everyone.”
For a moment, Jane just stared at him. Then, realizing she had no leg to stand on, she reluctantly nodded. “Well… if you insist.”
By the end of the day, she was gone. The house was ours again.
As the door clicked shut behind her, Joe collapsed onto the couch with a dramatic sigh of relief. “Finally.”
I grinned, sinking down beside him. “So… kale for dinner?”
He groaned. “Never again.”
90-year-old Joan Collins stuns in sizzling swimsuit photo
Using any yardstick you use, Joan Collins is unquestionably a legend.
It’s safe to say that, as she approaches her 90s, her most glamorous and flamboyant days are behind her, but that doesn’t mean she’s stopped having fun and flaunting her physique to the world.
Joan Collins has many lessons to teach about grace, elegance, and proper behavior for even the most ‘new’ superstars. What an incredible life this woman has led and continues to lead!
The Paddington, London-born actress of English descent is primarily remembered for her role as Dynasty’s Alexis Carrington Colby.
Dynasty turned Joan into a global celebrity, and in 1984 it was the most watched television program in the US. She was making $15,000 every episode back then. Every week, about 21 million homes tuned in to see her, eager to see what her egotistical and vicious persona would come up with.
“She was the initial strong woman on television.” And for that, I took a lot of heat. She’s such a vixen, so spiteful, and such a ballbreaker! Joan said to CBS in 2019 that “you know, I was just standing up for myself as an independent woman!”
Amazingly, over 70 years after making her on-screen debut, Collins is still employed in the entertainment sector.
Wikipedia states that she starred in two film-related projects in 2022, Tomorrow Morning and The Gentle Sex, and that she is currently filming In Bed with the Duchess.
She uses social media quite frequently as well.
For most of the US, last month was unseasonably chilly; storms delivered exceptionally low temperatures to many locations. However, Joan Collins was all about the heat.
According to sources, the legendary actress thought that the holidays would be the perfect time to post a picture of herself and her 57-year-old husband, Percy Gibson, practically sizzling.
Many people anticipate that at Christmas, family would gather around the fireplace and exchange gifts while the chilly breeze from outside the window blows in.
However, Joan Collins discovered that she was deviating from the custom this Christmas.On December 26, she posted to her roughly 300k followers, saying, “Had a terrific #christmasday.”
“I had a great lunch at the Bricusses after swimming in 82F in Beverly Hills—thank you, Evie and Adam Bricusse!”
Reactions to Collins’ chic leopard print swimsuit were swift. Even though the actress is about to turn ninety, she looked simply lovely.
She was pictured next to her spouse Percy in another picture; the two of them have been together since 2002.
All told, Collins has been married five times. The first marriage lasted four years, to actor Maxwell Reed. The second marriage was to singer-songwriter Anthony Newley. After she wed billionaire Ronald S. Kass, Newley welcomed Swedish pop sensation Peter Holm into her family.
“I did that too many times and I regret several of my marriages. I made a mistake. I don’t regret my marriage to Tony [Newley], though, as I had two amazing kids, Tara and Alexander, and one gorgeous daughter, Kathy, from my marriage to Ron [Kass]. Joan stated last year, “I truly regret getting married to Peter Holm, a Swede.
Collins claims that she has formed the closest relationship with Percy. She disclosed details about their connection during the pandemic.
“I’ve realized how strong our relationship really is because of being in lockdown,” the woman remarked. “I used to like traveling, hosting parties at the villa, and interacting with people, but due to constraints, it’s now just Percy and I. The best aspect is that we are conspirators, partners in crime.
Whatever others may say, Joan Collins is a legend, an icon, and incredibly beautiful for her age!
If you’re a fan of Joan’s as well or have liked any of her earlier work, do share this post.
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