Ho ho ho! Feeling festive? These Christmas jokes will have you laughing louder than Santa’s belly shake. Warning: excessive cheer, snort-laughing, and spontaneous caroling may occur. Proceed with caution… and cookies!
Jingle all the way to laughter! Grab your eggnog and settle in for some holiday hilarity. These jokes are Santa-approved and guaranteed to make you laugh harder than your uncle after too much Christmas pudding.
Santa Claus laughing in the snow | Source: Midjourney
1. The Christmas Trap
Mike drummed his fingers on his desk, staring at his phone. His wife Janet gave him a knowing wink from across the room, already struggling to contain her laughter. Time for their annual Christmas scheme.
“Hey kiddo,” Mike said after his 20-year-old son picked up in Fairbanks, trying to sound devastated. “I hate to drop this bomb, but… your mother and I are getting divorced.”
“WHAT?” Ryan’s voice cracked so hard that his neighbor’s cat fell off the windowsill. “Dad, you can’t be serious! You just posted those matching Christmas sweater photos!”
A shocked young man holding a phone | Source: Midjourney
“Dead serious. Can’t stand looking at her cookbooks anymore. Three hundred and forty-two sugar cookie recipes is where I draw the line. Call your sister in Sydney. I’m done talking about it.”
Ryan immediately called his sister Ashley, nearly dropping his phone in his panic. “Dad’s lost his mind! They’re getting divorced over a cookbook!”
“OVER MY DEAD BODY AND EVERY CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT I OWN!” Ashley screeched, making her office plants wilt. She speed-dialed home. “Listen here, old man! Don’t you DARE sign anything! Ryan and I are flying home TONIGHT!”
A shocked woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
Mike hung up and high-fived Janet, and both of them doubled over with laughter. “Works every year. Both kids coming home for Christmas. And they’re buying their own tickets!”
Janet wiped tears from her eyes. “Should we tell them this is how we got them to come to Thanksgiving too?”
“Nah,” Mike grinned. “Let’s save that trick for Easter!”
An older man with a wicked grin | Source: Midjourney
2. The Christmas Angel
Eleanor had been working in the Dead Letter Office for five years, but she’d never seen anything quite like this — an envelope addressed simply to “God” in shaky handwriting that looked like it had been written during an earthquake.
Inside was a letter that made her heart squeeze:
“Dear God, I’m Martha, 85 years young and running low on miracles. Some sneaky youngster with unusually fast hands swiped my purse yesterday with my entire month’s pension. $120. I’ve got five dear friends coming for Christmas dinner, and now I can’t even afford a can of cranberry sauce. I know you’re busy with world peace and all, but could you spare a miracle for an old lady with a sweet tooth and empty cupboards? Love, Martha (the one with the crooked garden gnome collection at the end of Maple Street).”
A lady postal services worker reading a letter | Source: Midjourney
Eleanor shared the letter with her coworkers. By lunch, they’d collected $116, raiding coffee funds, lunch money, and that secret candy bar stash everyone pretended not to know about.
A week after Christmas, another letter arrived:
“Dear God, You’re a real peach! That $116 you’d left in my mailbox made for the best Christmas dinner ever! My friends said it was divine intervention. I’d say they’re right! Even my arthritis felt better!
P.S. Some sticky-fingered postal worker must’ve skimmed $4 off the top. Might want to look into that. I hear you’ve got connections with Santa’s naughty list! Love, Martha.”
A cheerful older lady enjoying Christmas dinner with her friends | Source: Midjourney
3. North Pole Chaos
“Code Red! Code Red!” Junior Elf Timothy squeaked into the North Pole intercom, his voice cracking like ice in hot cocoa. “Four senior elves down with candy cane flu! The toy production line looks like a modern art exhibition!”
Santa rubbed his temples, watching the trainee elves turn teddy bears into abstract sculptures. Mrs. Claus chose that perfect moment to chirp, “Honey, Mother’s coming for Christmas! She’s bringing her entire fruitcake collection… even the one that set off the North Pole airport security!”
In the stables, Rudolph was organizing a reindeer union strike, demanding premium carrots and heated stalls. Dancer was in labor (terrible timing), and Prancer had eloped with a local moose named Bruce who promised her a cabin in the woods.
Startled Santa Claus | Source: Midjourney
Santa trudged to load the sleigh, only to hear an ominous CRACK! The floor splintered like thin ice, sending toys scattering everywhere like confetti at a New Year’s party gone wrong.
Stumbling inside for coffee, he found the elves had replaced it with sugar-free hot chocolate with a tag that read: “It’s healthier, Boss!” The milk jug slipped from his hands, shattering into a million pieces that sparkled like evil little stars on the kitchen floor. The cleanup broom looked like it had been through a beaver party. Suddenly, the doorbell buzzed.
DING DONG!
Santa Claus holding a broom | Source: Midjourney
Santa yanked open the door, ready to cancel Christmas entirely. There stood a tiny angel, struggling under a massive Christmas tree that made her look like a sprite with an oversized umbrella.
“Special delivery!” she beamed, twinkling with festive cheer. “Where would you like me to stick it?”
And that’s why Christmas trees have angels on top, sporting slightly alarmed expressions and questioning their career choices.
An angel under a Christmas tree | Source: Midjourney
4. Heavenly Volume
Tommy and Jack were spending Christmas Eve at Grandma Rose’s house, famous for her legendary sugar cookies and selective hearing that rivaled military-grade noise-canceling technology.
At bedtime, Tommy (age 6) knelt beside his bed and began his strategic prayer:
“DEAR GOD, I WOULD REALLY LOVE A NEW XBOX…”
“AND A REMOTE CONTROL DINOSAUR THAT ACTUALLY BREATHES FIRE…”
“AND MAYBE A ROCKET SHIP WITH REAL ROCKET FUEL…”
A little boy praying | Source: Midjourney
Jack (age 8) nudged his brother, rolling his eyes. “Dude, volume control! God’s not streaming on Spotify!”
Tommy shot back with a mischievous grin that would make elves proud. “Yeah, but Grandma is doing her Christmas shopping tomorrow, and her hearing aid’s been acting up since she tried to bluetooth it to her toaster!”
A little boy looking up and laughing | Source: Midjourney
5. The Shopping Surprise
Linda lost track of her husband Dave at the crowded mall during last-minute Christmas shopping. After 20 minutes of searching between the endless sea of panic-buying shoppers, she called his cell.
“Dave, where on earth did you disappear to? The mall closes in an hour!”
“Honey,” his voice softened mysteriously, “remember that fancy jewelry store from our first Christmas together? The one where you fell in love with that stunning sapphire necklace, but we were so broke we could barely afford the window shopping?”
A man talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
Linda’s heart fluttered, her anger melting faster than a snowman in July. “The one on Fifth Street? Oh my god, Dave… you didn’t…”
“Well,” he paused dramatically, “I’m in the dollar store next door. They’re having a massive sale on gift bags! Three for a dollar! Want me to grab some?”
A woman gaping in shock | Source: Midjourney
6. The Carol Critic
“Hey Emma,” her little brother Charlie called from the doorway, munching on his third candy cane of the morning. “You should totally join the Christmas choir at school! They’re still accepting applications!”
14-year-old Emma stopped practicing her scales, hope blooming in her eyes. “Really? You actually like my singing? After all this time?”
“Nah,” Charlie grinned, revealing red and white striped teeth. “But they only perform once a year, and I already know which day to wear my noise-canceling headphones!”
A stunned teenage girl holding a songbook | Source: Midjourney
7. The Gift Switch
At the office Christmas party, Tom was bragging about the amazing gift he got his wife Sarah, waving his phone around with photos.
“Check it out, man. Diamond earrings! Cost me a fortune, but worth every penny!”
His coworker Steve whistled, sipping his fourth cup of spiked eggnog. “But didn’t Sarah specifically ask for that new SUV? The one she’s been hinting about since last Christmas?”
“She did,” Tom smirked, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “But try finding a fake Ford Explorer that’ll fool your mother-in-law!”
A man holding a pair of earrings and laughing | Source: Midjourney
8. The Budget Tree
“Dad, pleeeease can we get a real Christmas tree this year?” little Jimmy begged for the hundredth time, giving his best puppy dog eyes. “I’m tired of explaining to my friends why our plastic tree smells like a basement and old tennis shoes!”
Frank grabbed his axe and wallet, sighing dramatically while secretly winking at his wife. “Fine. The things I do for Christmas spirit…”
He returned suspiciously quickly with a perfect tree, not a drop of sweat in sight.
A man holding an axe | Source: Midjourney
“That was fast,” Jimmy said, eyeing the pristine axe. “Did you even use it?”
“Nope!” Frank grinned proudly. “But the tree lot guy offered a 75% discount when I started examining the trees with it! Sometimes the best lumberjack is the one who never swings!”
A stunned boy | Source: Midjourney
9. The Biblical Bird
Three brothers — Richie, Steve, and Joe — gathered for their annual post-Christmas brag-fest about their gifts to their 80-year-old mother.
Richie puffed up his chest. “I built her a mansion with an elevator and a meditation room!”
Steve smirked, twirling his car keys. “Amateur. I bought her a Rolls-Royce with a personal chauffeur!”
Joe leaned back, sipping his cocoa. “You guys are so last season. Remember how Mom loves the Bible but can’t see well? I found this amazing parrot that recites the entire Bible on command. Took the church elders twelve years to train him. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse!”
A person in church holding a parrot | Source: Midjourney
Their mother’s thank-you notes arrived the next week:
“Dear Richie: The mansion’s lovely, but I’m too old to remember which of the 7 bathrooms I left my glasses in.
Dear Steve: The car’s beautiful, but my driver keeps falling asleep during my stories.
Dear Joe: The chicken was pretty small but delicious! Especially with the sage stuffing!”
Roasted chicken on the table | Source: Midjourney
10. The Window Shopping Incident
Karen spotted the perfect Christmas party dress sparkling in the store’s window display, guaranteed to make her the talk of the office party.
“Excuse me,” she called to a passing saleswoman. “Could I try on that gorgeous shimmery dress in the window? The one with the sequins?”
The saleswoman clutched her pearls, looking thoroughly scandalized. “Absolutely not, Ma’am! We have perfectly good fitting rooms for that sort of thing. This isn’t that kind of establishment!”
A dress displayed in a store | Source: Midjourney
11. The Santa Hotline
Sophie was driving her mom crazy with constant battles with her teenage sister Madison. The latest war was over borrowed (stolen) Christmas sweaters and who ate the last gingerbread cookie.
Mom had enough. “That’s it! I’m calling Santa!”
She dialed her brother Bob, resident Santa impersonator extraordinaire. Sophie’s eyes grew huge as Mom detailed her crimes against sisterhood, including the Great Hair Dryer Incident of last Tuesday.
“Santa wants a word with you,” Mom handed over the phone, trying not to smirk as her master plan unfolded.
A smiling woman holding a phone | Source: Midjourney
Uncle Bob dropped his voice to subterranean levels. “Sophie, Sophie, Sophie… No presents for girls who torment their sisters. I’m watching! And yes, I saw you hide that cookie under your pillow!”
Sophie nodded solemnly through the lecture, then hung up with a suspicious gleam in her eye.
“Well?” Mom asked, expecting victory. “What did Santa say?”
Sophie shrugged, skipping away. “He said Madison’s getting coal this year. Apparently, she’s the real troublemaker. Also, he said you should check your own cookie stash, Mom!”
A little girl smiling | Source: Midjourney
And there you have it, folks! If these jokes made you laugh, share them faster than your relatives share embarrassing childhood stories at Christmas dinner! Keep spreading the holiday cheer with these 10 More Best Christmas Jokes. Ho ho ho!
Cheerful Santa Claus laughing | Source: Midjourney
US Open Buzz: Viewers Say Taylor Swift, 34, Looks ‘Pregnant’ after Seeing Her Belly in a Bodice Dress
Pregnancy rumors were stoked after Taylor Swift was spotted at the US Open with her boyfriend.
On September 8, at the US Open, Travis Kelce, 34, and Taylor Swift, 34, looked fantastic. Rather than their obvious displays of love and joy, Taylor’s body type in the event dress went viral.
Taylor dressed in a bright costume to see the Men’s Singles Final between Jannik Sinner of Italy and Taylor Fritz of the United States. The “Sora Linen Dress” of the Reformation was checkered in red and white.
The tiny straps on this $248 dress, which can be worn on or off the shoulders, and the snug bodice complete the design. Taylor accessorized her dress with brown heels, light jewelry, and black sunglasses.
But Travis sported a light beige Gucci bucket hat, a matching cardigan with red and green Gucci stripes, and a white golf shirt. Brown loafers and white shorts completed his ensemble.
Video of Travis and Taylor was made public, and they were seen in pictures at the wedding with Brittany and Patrick Mahomes.
A video of Travis and Taylor walking hand in hand into the tournament and exploring was uploaded on X by US Open Tennis. “In the age of tennis.” The account posted a video along with the caption, “Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce arrive at the US Open.”
A video of the duo singing The Darkness’ “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” was also uploaded by the US Open. Singing from their viewing box, Taylor and Travis were having the best of their lives. “@taylorswift and @killatrav believe in love,” reads the US Open caption.
In a Latinus video, Taylor danced to a tune while Travis held onto her and bobbed his head.
In a different scenario from the same video, Brittany and Patrick were standing next to the singer and player who gave Travis a cheek kiss.
Internet users recognized Taylor’s belly after noticing images of Travis and Taylor during a tennis event. There were rumors that the “Lover” artist was expecting.
One Instagram user commented, “She looks pregnant,” while another questioned, “Is she pregnant?” Another person commented, “That GIRL is pregnant, lol.” Does Taylor Swift have a baby? A user on X commented, “She’s thin but has a slight belly.”
“When is Taylor Swift going to enthusiastically announce that Travis Kelce is pregnant with their child?” quipped a passerby. Some were ecstatic to see Taylor content, regardless of her pregnancy.
“Okay belly, either she’s full or pregnant either way I’m happy for her,” remarked one fan. Another admirer exclaimed, “Taylor looks so happy!” The sentiment was mirrored by someone else who said, “Okay, they’re officially too cute!” It’s too much joy to watch Taylor Swift fall in love.
Although Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce have not addressed the pregnancy rumors, followers still make assumptions and comments.
Days before she and Travis made their US Open debut, Taylor faced criticism for her outfit as well.
On September 5, Taylor supported Travis by dressing controversially during the Kansas City Chiefs vs. Baltimore Ravens game. She wore a scarlet pair of Giuseppe Zanotti boots, a Louis Vuitton purse, and a stunning Medusa ’95 Versace denim corset top when she arrived at Arrowhead Stadium.
Online images of Taylor at the game provoked heated debate. Using a pregnant emoji, one fan proposed getting pregnant. She’s growing hefty, they said.
One more said, “So tacky!” Will there be no fashion consultant for her? “One would think that with all her money, she could have had her stylist choose a better outfit,” remarked another.
Some found the negativity objectionable. One admirer remarked, “Such a cute outfit.” “Can’t believe some people say she “put on too much weight,”” exclaimed one supporter of her. She looks more human than a stick figure.
“Definitely find her more attractive with some extra meat on her bones,” was one comment made by fans in response to Taylor’s makeover. Never was fond of twig bod. The last praise was just, “She’s beautiful.”
Taylor seemed to have had a good time. She sat in Travis’ opulent suite with his parents, Ed and Donna Kelce, after they had entered the stadium.
Clearly at ease with one another, she and Ed engaged in lively conversation and laughter throughout the exciting NFL game.
In a subsequent video, Taylor stood and applauded, encouraging her partner from the sidelines.
In another Instagram picture, Taylor seemed totally absorbed in the game and was shouting loudly.
She celebrates in pictures with Travis’s father, displaying emotion. They fervently enjoyed the game and were Travis’s supporters.
Following the Chiefs’ victory over the Ravens, Travis and Taylor departed Arrowhead Stadium together.
As they walked hand in hand, the couple appeared content and in love. Taylor and Travis are in a public relationship, so their outings frequently go viral. For a variety of reasons, their date night photos became viral in July.
Perceptive observers conversed about the images’ physical attributes. Many have conjectured that Taylor, like her friend Brittany, might be expecting.
Taylor and Travis, a prominent Hollywood couple, were spotted out in London with pals. Their loved ones shared sweet pair images on July 16, which led some on social media to make assumptions about the couple.
According to Summitt Hogue and Brittany’s Instagram pictures, the “Blank Space” artist and tightrope runner from Kansas City is having fun with pals in Europe.
Summitt’s wife, Miranda Hogue, and Brittany’s husband, Patrick, the quarterback for Kansas City, also joined them.
The thrill of their trip was captured on Summitt’s Instagram carousel, which featured everything from trekking in nature reserves and on beaches with his wife and adorable daughters to taking a helicopter ride with Patrick.
In the fifth picture, Summit shared a lovely group shot that included Miranda, Brittany, Travis, Patrick, and Taylor. As the well-known pair moved in front of the other two pairs, Travis wrapped Taylor’s right arm around her shoulders and placed his hand beneath her breasts.
That evening, the vocalist of “Bad Blood” donned a light-blue dress by Vivienne Westwood. $1,010 is the price of the “Sunday gathered cotton midi dress.”
Taylor accessorized her Vivienne Westwood ensemble with a purple purse in the form of a heart. For $721.35 (€660), Taylor offers its “Josephine Heart Crossbody” in croc-embossed leather online. Her heels were block yellow.
Additional European travel adventures can be seen in Brittany’s carousel article. Brittany shared pictures of herself, her husband Patrick, and their adorable babies, Taylor and Travis.
In one stunning picture, Brittany and Taylor shared an embrace as their beaus posed behind them. Summitt was dressed the same way as Taylor.
Travis looked put together in a baseball cap and beige co-ord. Another picture included Taylor kissing Brittany’s head and the two of them hugging.
“What a time #Europe,” is how Summitt titled his photo, and Brittany responded, “London & Amsterdam, a time was had.” Regarding Travis and Taylor showing up in Brittany and Summitt’s Instagram pictures, some sent comments.
People on social media expressed unease about Travis touching his partner with his hand. “Swifties take a closer look at this guy,” a user wrote on Instagram. Whoa.
“Looks like she was trying to move his hand to her waist,” another person remarked. I think it’s hideous and disgusting.
Some people were critical of Taylor’s outfit. One witness questioned, “Why does Taylor’s wardrobe always look like something my grandmother would wear?” Another said, “Taylor needs to fire her stylist.”
Others looked at the couple photo where Travis put one hand on Brittany’s lower abdomen. Travis rubs his lower tummy and gestures to himself. What is meant by that? inquired on social media. “Travy get [Tay] preggers we need little besties for life,” remarked another.
A fan said, “Listen, you and Taylor are so cute!!!” in reference to pregnancy. I adore it, dear! Name my kid Goldie and give her to me. “Brittany & Taylor are both pregnant,” said another.
Although Brittany, a close friend of Taylor’s, has revealed that she will soon become a mother of three, Travis and Taylor have not confirmed their pregnancy.
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