Joe believed he did the best thing for his ailing mother when he placed her in a nursing home. His fiancée, Emily, was the one who convinced him it was for the best for everyone if the elderly lady was out of her home. “You did the right thing,” she said with a grin on her face. “Your mom will have a better life in the nursing home…and we can turn her old crafts room into a lovely nursery for our baby.”
However, upon returning from the nursing home, Joe and Emily were shocked to see some people moving the furniture from their house. They rushed to inspect what was going on, still shocked from the sight.
“What the heck is going on over here?” Joe yelled as he exited the car and ran towards the porch. “Hey, who are you…and what are you doing in my house?”
“You must be Joe!” the man replied. “I knew you would come. By the way, this isn’t your house anymore! Your mom sold it to us. Here are the papers…and there’s your stuff.”
Joe was looking in confusion, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing and was unable to move. But Emily acted. She grabbed the paper from the man’s hand and started analyzing the agreement. Her facial expression said it was true. Joe’s mom really sold the house.
“You fool!” she yelled. “Your mother tricked you right under your nose…and you had no clue? Everything is ruined now.”
“Emily…don’t say that. I don’t understand why Mom did this. But we still have each other. We can…”
“There’s no more WE, you loser! Forget about me,” she said as she pulled the ring and threw it on the ground.
Joe ran after her, pleading, “Wait…what about our baby?”
But Emily laughed at his face as she replied, “You’re so stupid! There’s no baby. Now get out of my way.”
“Wha—what do you mean? Emily…Emily? Stop….” Joe called out, but she left the place and left his life.
Heartbroken, Joe stood on the porch and that’s when he noticed a letter under one of the boxes.
It was from his mother.
“Dear Joe,
I’m sorry this happened. I wish I never had to take such drastic steps. But you left me with no other choice. It all started the day you first brought Emily home… the letter started.
Some weeks ago…
The decision to sell the house was made weeks ago, while Joe’s mom, Nora, was resting in her armchair.
Joe entered the place, and there was a woman with him, Emily. “…Joe is so funny…and charming,” Emily chuckled as she sat next to Joe on the couch. “I couldn’t say no when he first asked me on a date to the funfair.”
“It’s been just three weeks…but it feels like we’ve known each other for ages. That’s why I insisted Emily move in with me,” Joe said with visible delight in his eyes.
Her son’s words stunned Nora. She needed time to compose herself as she placed her oxygen mask on her face.
“I’m sorry if this has come as a shock, Mom,” Joe rubbed Nora’s shoulder. “Things might seem sudden…but trust me…Emily is the one for me. We’re soulmates!”
Nora turned to Emily, took her hand, and said, “Emily, darling, if you don’t mind, can you please make me some tea, dear? The warmth soothes my throat. The kitchen is that way…”
As Emily left the room to make some tea, Joe looked at his mother and whispered, “Isn’t she the best, Mom?”
“She seems like a lovely girl. But don’t you think you’re taking things a bit fast, Joey?”
“Mom, I understand your concerns. I didn’t want to tell you everything because of your health. But you deserve to know…I’m planning to propose to Emily this weekend.”
As expected, Nora believed that was way too soon since Joe knew Emily only for a few weeks.
“Mom, relax. You’re the one who taught me to fight for love. That’s what you and Dad did when you eloped, right?”
“But, Joey, that and this are entirely different.”
“Mom, I love Emily. I can’t live without her. Please trust me… she will be a great wife and a wonderful daughter-in-law.”
This sudden rushing didn’t give Nora peace.
However, when Emily moved in the following day, things seemed to have fallen into place as she and Nora got along well. The two knitted together, watched documentaries, and chatted.
Nora started to like her soon to be daughter-in-law until one night, when she woke up at midnight to take her pills, she heard Nora talking to someone over the phone and saying, “That old crone and her oxygen machine… she is such a thorn in my way… but Joe is madly hooked on me. So I should be able to get rid of her soon.”
Nora froze. At that moment she wondered what could Emily possibly do to get rid of her, but then Emily continued, “Just a lil sweet talk, and he should agree to stick his mother in a nursing home. Then, I’ll kick him out, and this house will be mine!”
Nora’s initial plan was to tell her son what she had heard, but she knew he was too smitten with his girlfriend to trust her.
Over the course of the next couple of days, Emily acted as though she enjoyed Nora’s company.
One day, however, Joe approached Nora and told her they needed to talk.
“It’s about Emily…” Joe said.
“Oh, dear, I’m so sorry things didn’t work out between you two…”
But Joe frowned. “What? Things are great between Emily and me, Mom. I’ve never been happier.
“Actually, Mom…” Joe swallowed hard. “…Emily’s been running her own business while working through the temp agency. She needs help with buying more machinery. But she can’t afford it right now. So I’d like to help her…but there’s only one way to get the money I need.”
“What is it, Joe?” Nora asked dreadfully.
“Mom, you know…your health isn’t improving. I think you need a better place where you’re cared for well…I think it’s time you moved into a nursing home.”
“Mom, it’ll be comfortable there,” said as he squeezed his mom’s hand. “…and if you agree to sell your house, I can put that money in Emily’s business. I promise to repurchase this property as soon as we see a return on the investment.”
Feeling betrayed, Nora said with sadness in her voice, “I don’t want to leave…my home.”
“Mom, I’m just trying to look out for you. Please…” Joe pleaded.
Knowing there was not much that she could do at that moment, Nora nodded her head.
“I’ll think about it, Joey. Just give me some time,” she said.
Nora needed time in order to be able to put her plan of revealing Emily’s true face into action.
The following day, Nora’s knitting was interrupted by the front door creak. As she looked towards the window, Nora saw Emily exiting the house.
Although she hadn’t driven in a long time, Nora decided to follow Emily.
After some time, Emily parked her car and entered a coffee place where she met with a man. A few minutes later, they started kissing passionately. Nora took her phone to film them, but at that moment, they stopped kissing and could only be seen holding hands.
“Joey, I’m sorry for bothering you at work…but this is important. Can you meet me outside the café on the corner of 3rd Street?” Nora called her son.
Joe arrived after around 10 minutes and Nora told him what she had witnessed.
“Look there, Joey,” Nora pointed toward the café window. “Emily is cheating on you.”
Raged, Joe stormed inside the place.
“What the heck is going on here??” he slammed the table, startling Emily and her lover. “How long have you been seeing this chump behind my back?”
Life’s a Comedy: 11 Funniest Jokes About Bars, Jobs, and Quirky Animals
Ever find yourself needing a quick pick-me-up during a long day? Laughter is the perfect antidote to stress and boredom. This collection of 11 jokes is sure to deliver a healthy dose of humor.
Get ready to chuckle your way through these hilarious jokes about everything from bar buddies to blundering farmers. Whether you’re a fan of witty wordplay or quirky animal antics, there’s something here to tickle everyone’s funny bone.
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform waddling into a bar | Source: Midjourney
1. Drink Down
A guy walks into a bar and orders two shots. He drinks both and leaves. He does the same thing every day for a while.
One day, the bartender asks, “Why do you always order two shots?”
The guy says, “My brother and I used to drink together all the time, but now he lives far away. So, one shot is for me, and one is for him.”
Two brothers laughing while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
This goes on for a while, and then one day the guy only orders one shot.
The bartender worries and asks, “What happened? Is your brother okay?”
The guy replies, “Yeah, he’s fine. I just quit drinking.”
Man looking sad while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
2. Penguin Parade
A police officer stopped a semi-truck driver and asked for his license and registration. The officer heard odd sounds from the trailer and decided to inspect it. He found 50 penguins inside.
“Why are there 50 penguins in your truck?” the officer asked.
“They’re my buddies,” the driver replied. “We enjoy traveling together.”
“You can’t just own 50 penguins,” the officer said. “You need to take them to the zoo.”
Police officer frowning next to a semi-truck holding a notepad | Source: Midjourney
The driver agreed and drove away. The next day, the same officer stopped the same truck and heard the same strange noises. He checked the trailer and found the same 50 penguins.
“I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer exclaimed.
“I did!” the driver responded. “They had a great time. Today, we’re going to the beach.”
Penguins walking through a regular sunny beach | Source: Midjourney
3. The Plasterer
A duck waddled into a pub and asked for a beer and a ham sandwich.
The bartender stared and said, “Hold on a sec! You’re a duck!”
“That’s pretty obvious,” the duck replied.
“And you talk!” shouted the bartender.
“And you hear well!” the duck said. “Now, about that beer and sandwich?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform sitting at a bar eating a sandwich | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, right, sorry,” the bartender said, pouring the duck’s beer. “We don’t get many ducks around here. What brings you in?”
“I’m working at that construction site over there,” the duck explained. “I’m a plasterer.”
The bartender was surprised, but let the duck be when he pulled out a newspaper to read.
The duck read the paper, ate his food, and left. He did this every day for two weeks.
A duck sitting at a bar reading a newspaper | Source: Midjourney
Then, the circus came to town. The circus manager came into the pub, and the bartender said, “Hey, you’re with the circus, right? I know a duck who’d be a star in your show! He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the paper… he’s amazing!”
“Is that right?” the circus manager said, handing the bartender his card. “Tell him to give me a call.”
The next day, when the duck came in, the bartender said, “Hey Mr. Duck, I think I found you a fantastic job that pays really well.”
“I’m always interested in new opportunities,” the duck said. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” the bartender answered.
A circus in a field | Source: Midjourney
“The circus?” the duck asked.
“Yep,” said the bartender.
“The circus?” the duck asked again. “The one with the big tent?”
“Exactly!” said the bartender.
“With the animals in cages and people living in trailers?” asked the duck.
“That’s the one,” said the bartender.
“And the tent is made of that heavy fabric with a hole at the top?” the duck asked.
“That’s right!” said the bartender.
The duck shook his head and said, “Why would they need a plasterer?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform working as a plasterer | Source: Midjourney
4. Slowpoke Centipede
A man saw a sign at a pet store that said, “Talking Centipede $100.” He thought it was cool and bought it. When he got home, he opened the box and asked the centipede if it wanted to grab a beer. The centipede didn’t say anything, so the man thought he got ripped off.
After a while, he tried again. He shouted, “Want to go get a beer?” The centipede popped out of the box and said, “Be quiet! I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
A fairytale version of a centipede talking and putting on shoes inside a box | Source: Midjourney
5. Hell’s Handyman
An engineer died and went to Hell.
The devil was shocked because engineers don’t usually go there. Hell was a mess: the AC was busted, the pool was empty, and everything was broken.
The engineer got to work fixing things. He fixed the AC, filled the pool, and even made the roads better.
God saw that everyone in Hell was having fun, which wasn’t right. He asked the devil what was going on.
A cartoon version of God in Hell looking confused because people are having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
The devil said, “That engineer you sent here has been fixing everything. He’s made Hell a nice place!”
God said, “What? Engineers don’t belong in Hell! That was a mistake. Send him back so I can put him in Heaven!”
The devil said, “No way, we like him here.”
God said, “Send him back, or I’ll sue you!”
The devil laughed and said, “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”
A cartoon version of the devil in Hell shrugging with people having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
6. The Big-Time Lawyer
Joe left his small town to go to college and law school. He became a lawyer and went back to his hometown because he wanted to be a big deal there.
He opened his own office, but no one came at first. One day, he saw a man walking toward his office. Joe wanted to impress this man, so he pretended to be on the phone.
A man sitting on a desk in a tiny office talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
When the man walked in, Joe started talking loudly on the phone, saying things like, “No way! Tell those guys in New York I want $1 million! I’m going to court next week! My team is the best! We’re going to win for sure! Yeah, the judge already knows I’m right! No, I don’t care what they offer, we’re not backing down!”
He talked like this for a long time while the man waited. Finally, Joe hung up the phone and said to the man, “Sorry I took so long, I’m really busy. What can I do for you?”
The man answered, “I’m here to install your phone line.”
Man in uniform standing by the doorway of an office | Source: Midjourney
7. Chick Magnet
A man from the city moved to the countryside and wanted to try farming. He went to the farm store and said, “I’ll take 100 baby chicks.”
The store worker gave him the chicks.
A week later, the man came back and said, “I need 200 baby chicks this time.” The worker gave him the chicks.
Another week passed, and the man returned. He said, “Give me 500 baby chicks.”
“Wow,” the worker said, “you must be doing great!”
A man dressed as a farmer smiling with small chicks nearby | Source: Midjourney
“Nope,” the man sighed. “I’m either putting them in the ground too deep or too far apart.”
8. Bachelors
Two single guys were chatting, and they started talking about cooking.
“I got a cookbook last year,” the first guy said, “but I couldn’t make anything from it.”
“Was it too hard?” the second guy asked.
“Totally! Every recipe started the same way: ‘Get a clean plate and…'”
A man holding a cookbook in a kitchen with a sink full of dirty plates | Source: Midjourney
9. Copy That?
A new worker was puzzled by the office shredder.
“Want some help?” offered a nearby secretary.
“Yes,” he said, “how do I use this?”
“Easy,” she replied, taking his thick report and putting it in the shredder.
“Thanks,” he smiled, “but what side do the copies come out?”
Man shrugging confused next to a paper shredder in an office hallway | Source: Midjourney
10. Whoa, Amen!
A man got lost in the desert. After wandering for weeks, he found a small house. He was tired and weak, so he crawled to the house and fainted.
The owner of the house, a kind and religious man, found him and helped him get better. When the man felt stronger, he asked for directions to the nearest town.
As he was leaving, he saw a horse. He asked the owner if he could borrow it. The owner agreed but said, “To make the horse go, say ‘Thank God.’ To make it stop, say ‘Amen.'”
A horse drinking water from a puddle next to a small house in a deserted area | Source: Midjourney
The man didn’t really listen and said, “Okay, sure.” He got on the horse and said, “Thank God,” and the horse started walking. He said, “Thank God, thank God,” and the horse started running. Feeling brave, the man shouted, “Thank God, thank God, thank God!” and the horse went even faster.
Suddenly, he saw a cliff ahead. He tried to stop the horse, yelling, “Whoa, stop!” Then he remembered, “Amen!”
The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. The man took a deep breath and said, “Thank God.”
Man looking scared riding a horse | Source: Midjourney
11. Nutty Natter
A man went into a bar and ordered a beer. As he was drinking, he heard a voice say, “Nice tie!” He looked around, but he and the bartender were the only ones there. Then the voice said, “I like your shirt!” Confused, the man called the bartender over.
“Am I losing it?” he asked. “I keep hearing voices telling me nice things, but no one else is here.”
“It’s the peanuts,” the bartender answered.
“What?” the man asked.
“The peanuts,” the bartender said again. “They’re complimentary.”
Peanuts in a smiley face bowl on a bar counter | Source: Midjourney
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