According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
Woman Uncovers Startling Reality After Tracking Twin Girls Who Gather Solitarily in Park Each Night
Colleen, a 32-year-old single woman who dreams of having children someday, often walks her dog in the park. Every evening, she notices twin girls around eight years old sitting alone on a bench in ragged clothes. Their sad eyes pull at her heart, and she becomes increasingly worried about their well-being.
One chilly evening, she decides to follow the girls to see where they go. As darkness falls, the girls hold hands and leave the park. Colleen’s concern grows as they board a bus, looking small and vulnerable under the bright lights. After traveling nine stops, they arrive in a wealthy neighborhood, walking into a large house that seems out of place for them.
Confused and alarmed, Colleen approaches the house and rings the doorbell. A maid answers, and after some hesitation, a man in an expensive suit appears. He dismisses Colleen’s concerns about the girls and slams the door in her face, leaving her feeling uneasy about the situation.
Determined to help the girls, Colleen returns to the park the next day and introduces herself. The twins, Hannah and Lily, share their story: their mother died three years ago, and since their father remarried, they have been neglected by their stepmother. They are made to stay in the park daily and often go without meals.
Colleen’s heart breaks for them, and she offers her help. The girls express their desire to leave their home, longing for a safe and caring environment. Colleen records their story and gives them her phone number, urging them to reach out if they need help.
Later that day, Colleen confronts their father again, but he angrily dismisses her concerns, insisting that the girls should be grateful for what they have. Feeling a sense of urgency, Colleen calls social services the next morning to report the neglect. Within days, social services remove Hannah and Lily from their home due to neglect and abuse. Colleen eagerly volunteers to be their foster mother, feeling that it’s the right choice.
When the girls arrive at her apartment, they are cautious but hopeful. Colleen reassures them that they are safe and welcome to stay. Over the next few weeks, she creates a loving environment for them, taking them shopping for new clothes and enrolling them in school. Colleen finds joy in caring for the girls, who quickly become an important part of her life.
Three months later, while at the park, Colleen asks the girls if they would like her to adopt them. The twins burst into joyful tears, eagerly agreeing. As Colleen holds them, she realizes that the love she sought in a partner has blossomed into a family bond with these brave little girls.
The adoption process is challenging, but together, they navigate it and six months later, Hannah and Lily officially become her daughters. Colleen reflects on how her life has transformed. By following her instincts that night in the park, she not only changed the lives of two girls but also discovered the love and purpose she had longed for. To anyone reading her story, Colleen emphasizes the importance of speaking up if something feels wrong. You never know how your actions might change a life.
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