According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
I Found a Note under My Fiancée’s Toilet Seat – I Thought She Was Cheating, but the Truth Turned Out to Be Much Worse
I thought I was getting ready to marry the love of my life until I found something in her house that turned my world upside down! Things got messy when I realized her ex was linked to the item I discovered at her place. Next thing you know, a prenup was mentioned. Read on to hear the full crazy story!
A shocked man reading a note | Source: Pexels
I had been looking forward to THIS especially exciting day for weeks! What day, you ask? Well, traveling for my brother’s wedding had been exhausting. But I was finally back in town and EAGER to see my fiancée, Carol!
We hadn’t seen each other in a while, and I couldn’t wait to spend some quality and romantic time together. Boy, had I missed her! You’d swear we didn’t talk on the phone and video call several times a day the way I am behaving!
A happy man talking on the phone while walking with his luggage | Source: Pexels
Without wasting any time after my arrival back in town, I was off to see my girl. I arrived at her apartment, and she greeted me with a warm hug and a kiss. It was a normal day hanging out at her place. Everything seemed perfect!
After a bit of catching up, things changed for the worse when I excused myself to the restroom. As I lifted the toilet seat, something strange caught my eye. There, taped to the underside, was a folded note with MY name on it.
A worried-looking man holding an envelope while seated on a toilet | Source: Midjourney
My heart dropped and then started to race. “Why would there be a note for me here?” I whispered to myself. My mind immediately jumped to the worst-case scenario. Had Carol been seeing someone else while I was away? Was it them who left me the note?
Of course, Carol would never check there, so I wondered if that meant some guy had been here since my last visit. I carefully peeled off the tape and unfolded the note. I braced myself for a gut-wrenching confession, something like:
“Sorry buddy, she only told me this morning that she has a guy…”
A stressed man reading a note in the toilet | Source: Midjourney
But what I read was SO much worse! The note read:
Hey, I know you guys are engaged now and everything. But you have to know that this woman took everything from me. From bro to bro, please make sure you get a prenup before signing the marriage documents. Sorry for such a weird spot for the note, I don’t have your number. Call me if you want to know more: (XXX) XXX-XXXX.
A shocked man reading a note | Source: Pexels
I realized that the note was from Carol’s ex-husband, Kevin. I had known about him, of course. And since he had a key to her apartment, it seemed he went in to leave her future husband a message. My fiancée had told me they had parted ways amicably. But this note painted a very different picture.
My hands shook as I reread the message. Could it be true? Was Carol capable of such deceit? I slipped the note into my pocket, determined to find out more without alerting my fiancée. I didn’t want to confront her without having all the facts.
A couple hugging | Source: Pexels
The rest of the evening passed in a blur. Carol didn’t seem to notice anything was amiss, and I struggled to keep up the facade of normalcy. As soon as I got home, I dialed the number from the note. It rang a few times before a man’s voice answered.
“Hello?”
“Hi, is this Kevin?” I asked, my voice trembling.
“Yeah, who’s this?”
“My name is Michael. I’m Carol’s fiancé. I found your note.”
An unhappy-looking man talking on the phone | Source: Pexels
There was a pause on the other end. “I was hoping you would call. Look, man, I know this is a lot to take in, but you need to know the truth about Carol.” I took a deep breath. “What happened between you two?”
Kevin sighed. “We met in college, and everything was great at first. We got married right after graduation,” he shared. “I thought she was the love of my life. But after a few years, things started to change.”
A serious-looking man talking on the phone while holding a beverage | Source: Pexels
My heart started beating fast as he continued. “She became distant and secretive. I found out she had been funneling money out of our joint account into a private one.”
“When I confronted her, she filed for divorce. She then took half of everything I owned because we hadn’t signed a prenup.” I felt a cold chill run down my spine. “Did you try to fight it?”
“Of course I did,” Kevin replied bitterly. “But she had covered her tracks too well. I couldn’t prove anything,” he said reluctantly. “In the end, I lost my house, my savings, everything. I’m still trying to recover financially.”
An unhappy-looking man talking on the phone | Source: Pixabay
“Why didn’t you warn me sooner?” I asked, feeling a mix of anger and fear.
“I didn’t know about you until recently. I moved out of state after the divorce,” Kevin explained. “But when I heard through mutual friends that she was engaged again, I had to reach out.”
“I couldn’t let the same thing happen to someone else.” I sat in stunned silence, processing everything Kevin had said. Could Carol be the manipulative person he described? It seemed so far-fetched from the woman I thought I knew.
A stressed man sitting with his phone | Source: Pexels
“Thank you for telling me,” I said finally. “I need to figure out what to do next.”
“Just be careful,” Kevin warned. “And seriously, get a prenup.” After hanging up, I felt like the ground was pulled out from under me. I didn’t want to believe Kevin, but his story had too many details to ignore. I needed to confront Carol, but I had to do it carefully.
A couple at a restaurant | Source: Pexels
The next day, I suggested we go out for dinner. Carol seemed thrilled, and we went to our favorite restaurant. As we sat down, I tried to gather my thoughts. “Carol, there’s something I need to talk to you about,” I began, trying to keep my voice steady.
She looked at me with concern. “What’s wrong, my love?” I took a deep breath. “I found a note yesterday. Under the toilet seat. It was from Kevin.” Her eyes widened, and she looked away.
An upset-looking woman looking to the side while seated in front of a man | Source: Pexels
“What did it say?” she asked quietly.
“He warned me about you. He said you took everything from him and that I should get a prenup.” Her face turned pale!
“Michael, it’s not what you think. Kevin is lying.”
“Is he?” I asked, feeling a surge of frustration. “Because his story was very detailed,” I challenged her. “Why would he go through the trouble of leaving a note like that if it wasn’t true?”
A man holding the hand of his partner at a restaurant | Source: Pexels
She reached across the table and grabbed my hand. “Michael, please. Kevin was abusive. He controlled every aspect of my life,” she explained. “I left him because I couldn’t take it anymore. He’s trying to ruin my happiness because he can’t stand to see me move on.”
I felt torn. Her words sounded sincere, but so had Kevin’s! “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”
“I didn’t want to burden you with my past. I wanted to start fresh with you.”
I pulled my hand away. “I need some time to think about this.”
A couple sitting at a restaurant | Source: Pexels
The drive home was silent.
Carol tried to reach out to me a few times over the next few days, but I couldn’t respond. My mind was spinning with conflicting emotions.
That night, I couldn’t sleep. I kept replaying both conversations in my head, trying to make sense of it all. I decided to do some digging on my own. Over the next few days, I reached out to mutual friends, looked through old records, and even spoke to Kevin again.
A man doing research on a laptop | Source: Pexels
Piece by piece, the truth began to emerge. Kevin had, indeed, been controlling. But there were also signs that Carol had taken advantage of the situation. It was a complex and messy story, with no clear villain or hero.
When I finally confronted my fiancée with everything I had found, she broke down in tears! She admitted to taking money from Kevin but insisted it was only to escape his control. Carol begged for my forgiveness, swearing that she loved me and that things would be different with us.
A woman crying in the arms of a man | Source: Pexels
I felt like I was standing at a crossroads! Could I trust her after everything I had learned? Or was I setting myself up for the same fate as Kevin? In the end, I decided to take her ex’s advice. I asked Carol to sign a prenup.
It wasn’t a perfect solution, but it was a step towards protecting myself. Carol agreed, though I could see the hurt in her eyes. Our relationship wasn’t the same after that. Trust, once broken, is hard to rebuild. But we were both committed to trying. Only time would tell if love could conquer all.
A man handing over paperwork and a pen for a reluctant woman to sign | Source: Pexels
In a similar tale to Michael’s, a woman thought her husband was cheating on her with his female friend. But the truth was something quite unexpected, perhaps even worse. Luckily, what she discovered redefined their relationship in a good way and allowed her husband to truly be himself with her.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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